The Prince of Kings: Season 1
by ShadowOfTheAuthor
Summary: Episodic series based on Katamari Damacy, featuring the Prince and his cousins getting into undesirable situations on a regular basis.  Hey, that's Cosmic life for ya.  Rated T for language and crude humor. Please R&R! Current Episode: Katamari Pilot
1. Ep 1: Katamari Pilot: 塊パイロット: Part I

A/N: Welcome my friends, to the first episode of The Prince of Kings, a episodic comedy fanfic based in the Katamari Damacy universe. It features all members of the Royal Family, The Prince, his dad the King of All Cosmos, his mom the Queen of All Cosmos, and all of their cousins and relatives. Every story I publish will count as a 'season', and the chapters will be known as 'episodes', which usually come in three or four parts (three or four chapters). If I get enough positive reception (on or offline) after this episode has concluded, then I'll work on further episodes, and eventually further seasons. For now, please enjoy (and review) the first 'episode' of The Prince of Kings.

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_**THE PRINCE OF KINGS**_

**SEASON 1**

**EPISODE 1: Katamari Pilot (Part I)**

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_It was a rather calm day- err, night, on Planet Prince, a small, green orb in space circling the planet known as Earth. On Planet Prince, a small yellow house with a bright red roof sits, and within dwells a tiny green being, not much taller than five centimeters. It may not occur to the educated mind, but this being is the rather tiny son of the most powerful being in the Cosmos, the King of All Cosmos, known simply as The Prince. _

_Let's take a look inside and we'll see the Prince- Hey, what gives? He's not here! Oh... wait, I forgot to mention something: The Prince is skilled at rolling magical adhesive balls called katamaris. The tiny Prince rolls those katamaris here, there, and everywhere, and eventually his dear old dad, the King, turns those katamaris into stars or planets. A rather easy process, yes? Well, not so. If you were to ask him how he feels about all that rolling, he would- Oh, hold up. It looks like the Prince has come back, and boy, does he look mad. Let's listen in..._

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

"Gah! I've HAD it with those dumb balls! I'm through!" Prince yelled in anger as he threw open the front door, then slammed it behind him. He stormed to the couch and plopped himself down onto it, face-down. "I swear, the next time Mr. King of All Crapheads shows his mug again I'm gonna just... Gah!"

Prince continued mumbling and grumbling while laying face-down on the couch. This was not his day, but what happened? Let's take a little flashback to earlier today, specifically six minutes ago.

**=====[Six minutes ago, on Earth...]=====**

"Now then Our nearly-microscopic son, are you ready for today's rolling?" The King's instruction head asked Prince, having recently sent him to an Earth neighborhood for his daily katamari assignment.

"No."

"Wonderful." The King said, ignoring Prince completely.

He then turned to the five other small strange beings that had tagged along with them, all standing on a picket fence in a line. These were five of Prince's cousins, and they just so happened to be the ones he hated most. Their names were: Marcy, a multi-colored and hot-headed cousin who had recently discovered 'fashion'; Mu, a pitch-black colored, very mischievous and sinister cousin; Ace, who looked like Prince but orange-colored and spiked ends on his head, and he had even traded butts to a spikier model as well, but it hadn't generated much buzz; and Paula, a tall, pink, flower headed cousin who looks pretty, but is terribly snooty. They even brought along Opeo, another cousin who's always in terrible physical condition, evident by the bandages that cover nearly his entire body.

"How are Our relations doing back there? Ready to enjoy the show?" The King asked.

Marcy quickly responded. "Oh yeah yeah Sir King dude! Totally ready!" He said, but then silently added, "Ready to watch Prince get his ass kicked once again."

Mu snickered evilly. "Yes... Indeed, let us see the Prince's latest failure, so I may later steal his soul when it is broken by all that depression. Muhahaha..."

"Mu, you seriously scare the crap out of me sometimes..." Prince said, and shifted back a bit.

"Heeheehee, come on Prince baby! Show us what you got!" Paula said, giggling in her typical malevolent fashion.

Ace spun several times in place, then spoke. "I'll see ya at your chopping block, Princey! Heheheh..."

Opeo just moaned and rubbed his casted limbs, throbbing with near constant pain. "Ohhh... Why did you jerks bring me here? I already have three hip fractures, five ripped tendons, a ruptured spleen, a-"

Before Opeo even finish Marcy cut him off. "Why are you here? So I can do... This!" He said, and tripped Opeo.

"-brain stroke, a collapsed lung, Hepatitis A&B, and- Ack! What the hell are you _doooooooooooing_!" Opeo yelled as he was tripped and he fell off the fence, falling a couple feet before landing on the pavement. THUD!

"OW! SON OF A- WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR YOU _ASS_?" Opeo screamed as loud as his damaged lung will let him, and groaned in terrible agony.

Marcy, Ace, and Mu all laughed. "'Cause it's funny! It's always funny to watch others in pain!" Marcy said, and laughed again.

Prince just watched the quintet with contempt and sighed heavily, then turned to his dad. "Can we speed things along now? Just tell me how big I gotta get this thing and how long I have, will ya?" He said, and gave the katamari in front of him a pat.

"Well, a little impatient today, are we? Fortunately for you We are in a good mood." The King said, "We need you to roll a katamari about... let's say 2 meters, in... 4 minutes time from this 50 centimeter one. Happy?"

"Somewhat. I'm just gonna g-"

"Wait! We're not finished yet. We haven't droned on about useless topics like We usually do. We fell behind Our quota two weeks ago, and We have serious catching up to do. So, We were thinking about getting into knitting..."

"Yeah, good luck with that. I'm gonna just-"

"_Silence!_ We're not done! Now, where were We? Ah, yes. Pointless topics. Now you see, it all began when..."

_(One minute later...) _

"...We had never before seen such beauty! We felt like crying. Just a little. Anyway what were We thinking? Oh, right. That time when..."

_(Another minute later...)_

"...And so, We began on Our quest to fix the night sky, all by Our lonesome. It was sooooo tiring, but We prevailed..."

_(YET ANOTHER minute later...)_

"...And that, Our dear Prince, is the story of Our life. Now then, get back to rolling!"

Prince had fallen asleep about thirty seconds into the King's lecture, and when he finished Prince woke with a start. "Aah! What? Where am I? I was dreaming about... uhh... muffins. _Yeeeeeah_... that's it."

"We will take that last statement as an "I'm ready." Which is good, as you only have one minute left."

"What the hell? Where'd the other three minutes go?"

"We have no idea, you were standing there doing nothing. Just get rolling!" And with that, the King's instruction head vanished.

Prince stood for a moment, dumbfounded.

"Yo Princey!" Ace yelled out to Prince, "Better get your ass in gear, or some serious punishments coming your way!"

"I know Ace, so shut your clap trap or I'll snap it shut it for ya!" Prince yelled back angrily.

"Oooooh! Big, scary Prince of All Cosmos! You're terrifying us! Hahahahaha!" Marcy shouted, laughing madly.

"Argh! Screw you both, I'm going!" Prince barked at them, and blazed off from his starting point, his katamari only 50 centimeters in starting size. Huge compared to Prince, but not nearly big enough for the King's demand.

In the 47 seconds Prince had left, he only managed to roll up a few bits of junk, getting the katamari up to 73 centimeters and 4 millimeters. Pitiful, I know.

The King's head reappeared, and started speaking immediately. "Well, now that you're d- Wait a minute, this is WAY too small! You aren't even close! You disappoint Us, Prince."

Prince was about ready to blow a fuse. "You ass! You're the one who chewed up like three whole freaking minutes of my time talking about perfectly pointless crap!"

"You could've ignored Us. As usual. *sigh* You ALWAYS ignore Us."

"You wouldn't even let me do that! You're such a stubborn MULE! You heard me! This whole katamari shtick is useless! YOU'RE USELESS! SCREW YOU ALL, I'M GOING HOME!"

Prince, nearly bursting with pure fury, stormed away and flew back into the Cosmos, towards Planet Prince.

"My, oh my..." Marcy said sarcastically, "Prince is one troubled... thing."

Paula sighed. "Silly Prince, he's such a useless bloke."

"_'Bloke'_? Seriously Paula? Does anyone even say that anymore?" Ace said.

"Can I help being a rich snob who talks this way? You should watch where you're sitting, because that pointed buttocks of yours could punch a hole in steel!"

"Why you...! Take that back you little-"

Ace tackled Paula with a yell and the two began brawling, winning the cheers and laughter of both Marcy and Mu.

The King sighed, ignoring the fight unfolding before him. "Why Us? What have We done to anyone? Now even Our own son walks out on Us. How can We believe anything anymore?"

**=====[Back to Present]=====**

Oh, so that's what happened. Tough break. Anyway, Prince lay down on his couch, shouting angry curses towards his dad, to Marcy, Ace, Mu, and to some degree Paula.

_I've had enough of this crap! It's WAY too much! _Prince thought angrily,_ I need to get away from it all... get away from... need rest... and relaxation...?_ He suddenly realized the solution. "Ahhh, yes... VACATION TIME! Ha! I don't care what dad thinks, I'm taking a _vacation_, baby!"

With this new goal set in mind, Prince ran over to his bed, and pulled out a briefcase from under it. Opening it and placing the case on his bed, Prince began to rush around his house and scoop up every possible item that may be needed for vacationing: Sunglasses, a camera, a flower-patterned shirt, a book titled '_Vacationing For Dummies (And Kings)_', and everything else that might be nice to have on a vacation.

Prince filled up the briefcase, then shut it (barely) and locked it, before picking it up and rushing out the door, all the while humming the tune of '_Katamari Holiday_'.

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

Prince flew by the Mushroom Planet on his way to Earth to bid farewell to his cousins (the ones he liked anyway). The Mushroom Planet is exactly what it sounds like, a planet orbiting Earth near Planet Prince that's shaped like a mushroom. All of the Prince's cousins gather (and often fight) here.

"Hey peeps!" Prince said as he landed on the planet's surface, and was immediately greeted by three of his favorite cousins: Dipp, a sparkling and flashy cousin that's surprisingly kind; Peso, a gentle (if unintelligent) cousin with a roundish head and grey-colored body; and Beyond, a light-pink, tall, fairly weird-looking cousin that wears green custom-made pants. Other cousins, like Odeko, Hans, Ichigo, Nik, Velvet, and Havana were also there, and they waved to Prince as he landed.

"Cuz! Howya been Prince?" Dipp said, full of energy and practicing some dance moves, as he usually did.

Peso also greeted Prince. "Hi there, how's my fav cousin?"

Beyond looked down from his high vantage point at Prince, and shuffled a bit. "Yo, howsit going with you Prince? I saw that little incident earlier... Boy your dad looked _pissed_."

"That's already occurred to me Beyond, thank you so much for stating the obvious." Prince said, sighing, "Anyway, yeah I've been okay, besides that 'incident' you spoke of."

Dipp scratched his head and gave Prince a weird look. "S'matter Prince? You don't look all that hot either... And what's with the bag?"

"If you must know, I'm going on a vacation." Prince stated matter-of-factly.

"_Vacation?_" the three shouted all at once in surprise.

"Since when was your last vacation? Like, uh, NEVER ago?" Peso said, confused as to the whole situation.

Dipp reeled a bit, nearly losing his footing. "No one has ever taken a vacation from katamari! It's way too fun!"

Prince stood and stared at Dipp blankly. "...Fun? You honestly think that I, the most overworked son in the universe, would think rolling katamaris around that god-forsaken planet Earth every single freaking day of my life... is _fun_?"

"Uhh... I... think so? Everyone who's played Katamari Damacy seems to think its fun anyway." Dipp said, starting to get a little nervous.

"Ha ha ha ha ha... _Fun_? They should try playing _MY LIFE_ for a day and see how they like it... hahaha... _fun_..." Prince said, in a creepily monotonous tone.

The three cousins looked at Prince with concern. Peso tried to speak reassuringly to him. "Prince... Are you feeling alright? You look really pale... and now you look kinda mad... Oh boy you look really mad! Wow, you look real pissed off now! Hey Dipp, does Prince look real pissed off to you, 'cause he... Oh! And now he's coming towards me with a crazy look on his face, holy crap it looks like he's gonna kill someone, I just hope isn't mee- _Ack! _You're... _Gack!_... choking... me... help... please... urk..."

Prince had completely went insane and began choking Peso in rage, whilst Dipp and Beyond tried to seperate the two without success.

"Stop the madness man! Stop choking your cousin already! I'm not sayin' he doesn't deserve it or anything but that's no excuse!" Dipp shouted, trying to pry Prince and Peso apart.

Beyond tried to pull Prince's hands off Peso's neck, but it was a pretty tight grip the Prince had. "For God's sake Prince, have you no shame?" He yelled while trying to free Peso from Prince's choke-hold. "And curse the fact that your constant katamari rolling has made your hands so good at gripping things! I can't... take your... hands off of... Peso's neck! Damn it all!"

Prince took no note of his cousins trying to stop him, he simply continued strangling Peso while yelling, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT CRAP I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ON A DAILY BASIS? I HAVE TO ROLL A BUNCH OF DUMB BALLS EVERYWHERE ON THAT RETARDED PLANET EARTH SO I CAN GET KICKED AND BASHED AROUND BY THOSE WORTHLESS HUMANS! IS THAT YOUR IDEA OF _FUN_? AND LOOK AT MY HANDS! LOOK AT THEM! I HAVE BLISTERS ON MY BLISTER'S BLISTERS!" He screamed in Peso's face, his face turning beet red.

"But... not... me... Dipp... say... gack..." Peso gasped, barely able to breath and starting to turn blue.

"WRONG ANSWER!" Prince yelled, tightening his grip.

"Gack! Help... please... can't... breath... brain... dying... feeling... smarter..."

Dipp was at his wits end. "Oh, this is hopeless! We need help!" He turned to the crowd of cousins that had gathered to watch the show. "Hey! You! Nickel! Stop them!"

Nickel, a robotic cousin on two wheels for feet essentially, zipped over to help, and ended up crashing into the two (on purpose). Funnily enough, this solved the problem.

"Arrgh... Where am I?" Prince moaned as he picked himself off the ground, dizzy from the sudden attack.

Nickel stood rather proudly. "Glad-to-be-of-assistance." He droned.

Peso wasn't very cheery. "You dumb pile of trash! That's not what I meant by help! You could've killed us! Or made us end up like Opeo! Which I'm pretty sure is even worse! Have you no soul? No heart?"

Nickel shrugged. "Well-no-of-course-I-do-not-since-I-am-a-machine. That-should-be-easy-for-even-someone-with-as-low-an-intelligence-score-as-you-Peso." He said robotically, and returned to the crowd.

"Methinks the Tin Man needs a heart." Prince said semi-jokingly, and he helped Peso up. "Sorry bout that cuz, I dunno what the heck came over me."

"Ehh, sure. Just please don't take out your fury on me, I'm pretty sure Dipp was the one who mentioned-"

"SHUT UP!" Dipp shouted suddenly, both out of annoyance and fear, "That information is no longer relevant, the point is that as long as you owe up to your mistakes then we'll forgive you this time."

"B-But... I was sure you... Oh, I don't remember anything at all..."

"Exactly. See? You're just too shook up from that 'little problem' with Prince that you can't think clearly. Make sense?"

"I... guess... so?"

"Wonderful! Now let's get on with our happy fun fun lives then, shall we?" Dipp then turned to Prince. "So anyway, you were saying somethin' about a so-called 'vacation'?"

Prince nodded. "Yeah, I've totally HAD IT with anything that starts with Kata and ends with Mari."

"Umm, but, why now?" Peso asked.

Prince told them about everything that happened earlier.

"Ouch. Rough break cuz." Dipp said slowly, "And yeah, Ace, Marcy and the others can be jackasses at times."

"Dipp!" Beyond said sharply, "Watch your language!"

Dipp stared blankly at Beyond. "...Seriously? We talk like this all the time, and NOW you object to it? Huh?"

"Don't you see...?" Beyond said, then leaned closer and started whispering, "There are ladies in our vicinity..." He made a motion to nearby cousins June, Honey, Foomin, and Daisy.

"...So? They're our cousins, poindexter. What are you so concerned about?" Dipp replied.

"It's only common courtesy. I'm a gentlemen damn it!"

"HA! You cussed! Gotcha! Where's your common courtesy now long-neck?"

"It's a justified swear you degenerate. Look it up!"

"Nuh-uh, you KNOW that's a cuss! Admit it!"

"Shut up! I won't tell you diddly!"

"YOU BOTH SHUT UP!" Prince suddenly yelled, "Can we get back on topic please? Now, as I was saying, I'm going on vacation. Insert horrified gasp here, heheh. Well, someone needs to cover for me katamari-wise or the King will have my ass on a platter. Any takers?"

Dipp and Beyond both held up their hands and begged. "Me! Me!" "Not him, me! I'm a Law school graduate!" "You were not! You were only there for three days!" "I know more than you could even hope to know in five years!" "Shut the hell up! You are as dumb as you look!" "Can I help it if my parents are disfigured?"

"SHUT UP YOU TWO RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME GOD...!" Prince yelled, and they both quieted down, but still held up their hands expectantly.

"Now let's see..." Prince said, contemplating who should be in charge, "Eenie, meenie, minie, moe, catch a cousin by the toes, if he hollers let 'im go, my-ma-ma-told-me-to-pick-the-ve-ry-best-one-and... you... are... it...!" He had hs hand pointed at Dipp, who gasped with happiness. "You're picking m-" "...Peso!" He finished, now pointing at Peso, who looked quite confused.

"WHAAAA? You picked _PESO?_" Both Dipp and Beyond shouted, gaping.

Prince shrugged. "So? He's a nice guy, and I guess I owe him for nearly choking him to death."

"_Unbelievable!_ You picked that retard Peso...! He can't even count to ten! It was even worse in grade school!"

**=====[Years Ago...]=====**

"Now then class," The teacher asked, "Who here can count to three? How about you, Peso?"

"Oh! Uhh..." Peso said nervously, "M-Me? Are you sure...? O-Okay... uh... something-something... I know this... oh... I can't remember this one-"

"That's it Peso! One is first, how about the next?"

"Uhhh... June 6, 1944?"

"*Sigh*... No Peso, that's the date the Allied forces invaded Normandy... Don't get those history documentaries mixed with counting!"

"Oookay... Umm... What was it now...?"

_(Three hours later...)_

"Oorgh... I know this... Is it... two?"

"Yes! That's right! _FINALLY... _Now, what's the last-"

_**RIIIIIIIIIIIING!**_

The teacher sighed heavily and covered her face with her hands. "Ooh... Another day wasted... Go home kids... We'll pick up where we left off tomorrow..."

"Yaaaaaaay!" The kids shouted joyously, and left in a stampede out the classroom. Peso followed them quickly, while saying, "I'm gonna go watch some more of those history documentaries! I'm almost at the part where the German leader dude shot himself!"

The teacher, now alone, facepalmed. "I wish I can just fail that dumbass and be done with it... But nooo the government says! 'We need more educated guys! Whether or not they actually know anything! We don't care! We got money!' Aargh... Sad, sad state of affairs." She said, and began repeatedly banging her head on the desk.

**=====[Back to Present...]===== **

"Oh come on you guys..." Peso said defensively, "I can count all the way to seven now! And I'm learning eight next!"

"Wow, that's LOADS of progress..." Dipp said sarcastically, and rolled his eyes.

Beyond was astonished at how terrible Peso's counting skills were. "My God... You really do need help, do you?"

"AHEM. Moving along..." Prince said, pushing the topic aside. "Peso is in charge of handling katamari affairs, y'know, making the cousins do the rolling, sitting on your ass all day, nothing too hard for little Peso here."

Dipp's eyes widened. "_Dream job!_" He whispered to Beyond, making sure Prince or Peso didn't hear.

"_You're telling me, what I wouldn't give for a job like that._" Beyond whispered back.

"So, with that my friends, I leave for my vacation! Don't burn the whole place down while I'm gone. Not that I really care or anything, but..." Prince said to everyone, and he flew back off towards a place on Earth known as 'The Bahamas'.

Things were silent for a long time.

"...Well this is retarded." Dipp said blankly, "We all have to take orders from a guy who can't even spell his own name! How _stupid_ is that?"

Many other cousins murmured in agreement. "Yeah! Totally dumb!" Odeko said, "Do we really need someone like Peso? We may as well get Nutsuo to do it, he can't even reach his face with his hands! How the hell is the guy supposed to _eat?_" "_Hey!_" Nutsuo yelled in offense.

Peso looked around nervously. "Uh, I... think I can do it?" He said, but he was answered by more angry shouts.

"Simmer down, simmer down now..." Dipp said, waving his arms up and down in an effort to calm the disgruntled cousins, "We just need someone right beside this guy, y'know, to show him how a job's done right, right? I nominate... myself. Complaints? Sucks to be you, I won't hear 'em."

Dipp straddled up to Peso and put an arm around him. "Glad to be working with ya, buddy!" He said, and shook Peso's hand forcibly while wearing a fake smile.

"Uhh..." Peso said, trying to object, but decided not to. It would be a good idea he thought to have someone helping him along... Although Dipp wasn't who he had in mind.

"_Hey!_" Beyond shouted in protest, "What about _ME_? I didn't study politics and anthropology for _five years_ for nothing you know!"

"Ah, yes... Peso, what say you?" Dipp replied, and gave Peso a little nudge.

Peso stared at Dipp, confused for a moment, but quickly came to his senses and looked at Beyond. "Oh... Yeah... You can be, Vice-President... I guess?"

"SCORE!" Beyond said eagerly, and rushed over to Peso's side.

"Anything else from you drones? Yes-no-maybe?" Dipp asked the rest of the cousins, but before any could answer he continued, "Too bad, it's katamari time. Get a roll on you guys!"

And so, the cousins all dispersed with goals set in mind, with June and Nik going to the Hoshino household, Ichigo and Havana going to Banana City, Odeko and Signolo going to Pigeon Town, and everyone else going to some other random place to roll katamaris. All at once. What could go wrong?

"Now THIS..." Dipp said, relaxing on a random bench, "Is a job!"

"Tell me about it! We can fill the katamari quota and we'd hardly have to lift a finger. Pretty neat trick!" Beyond said, smiling.

Peso interrupted them while looking at his hands. "Umm... Guys? We... don't have fingers..."

Both Dipp and Beyond curiously gazed at their hands. "Oh... How 'bout that. Huh. Well. Creepy. Bleck."

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A/N: Well now, Part 1 has come to a close! If it tickled your fancy in any way, then please go ahead and review! I'll have Part 2 up soon. Remember, if enough good feedback comes in by the time the 'episode' ends, then I'll move on with the next! And the next... And the next... And the next... you get the picture. ;) (In case you're curious about the name of the story, it's a slight play on the TV Show title _The King of Queens_, but my story could have less to do with that show, aside from the fact they're both sitcoms/comedies.)

Fare thee well!

-gl1m0


	2. Ep 1: Katamari Pilot: 塊パイロット: Part II

A/N: Okay folks, part two is up. :) Go ahead and read onwards, and I'll get back to you with Part 3 soon! For now, please enjoy (and review) the continuing misadventures of Prince and his cousins!

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_**THE PRINCE OF KINGS**_

**SEASON 1**

**EPISODE 1: Katamari Pilot (Part II)**

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_When we last left off, the Prince of All Cosmos had a rather nasty day of katamari rolling, more so than usual, and as such decided to get away from it all, by taking a well-deserved vacation. Before leaving, he stopped at the Mushroom Planet to inform his cousins of the situation, and left control of all things katamari to his dear dumb cousin Peso. Dipp and Beyond were quick to snatch leadership as well, and the three sent the rest of the cousins to Earth to roll a variety of katamaris all at once. Let's check in on Prince now, as he flies towards his vacation spot..._

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"Whew... I'm glad to finally be rid of katamari duty for once." Prince said to himself as he flew across space towards Earth. "But I just wonder if Peso can handle everything... he's a little... out there... Hmm..."

Prince shook off the thought and continued his flight, briefcase in hand. Pretty soon, he arrived at his destination: The Relax-Nation Five-Star Dream Resort, Spa, and Casino; conveniently located in the Bahamas.

"Ahhh, yes. THIS my friends, is what we call a Dream Vacation. If only I had a Dream Job to top it off too... ah, well." He said, and marched up to front desk and spoke to the secretary lady. "Uh, miss? I have a reservation for: Prince, The."

Initially quite shocked at the Prince's minuscule size, she soon recognized him and looked through the registry book on her desk. "Let's see... Princes... Prince Of Wales... Prince Charles... Prince Fluff... The Prince... Ah, there you are." The lady motioned for a nearby Bag-boy to come over.

"Would you please show the young Prince to his suite?" The lady asked the Bag-boy, and he nodded.

Prince handed his (very tiny) luggage to the Bag-boy, and he led Prince through many hallways and up an elevator to a suite on the top floor, tailor-made for the Prince's size and needs (the room had a tiny set of stairs up the bed, sofa, table, etc; the fridge was stocked with every kind of food the Prince liked; cable TV with _100000_ channels(!); etc.).

"I think this will do the job." Prince said, admiring the colossal suite that surrounded him. It was the picture of paradise.

The Bag-boy set Prince's baggage on the floor beside him. "Okay sir," He said, "If there is anything at all you require then please do not hesitate to ask. We are sworn to the pledge of customer satisfaction after all."

Prince thought for a moment. "Hmm, how about some ice cream? Vanilla? I know it's late in the day but it's been ages since I had any."

"Right away sir." The Bag-boy said, and bowed before leaving to fetch his request.

Prince climbed up onto the huge king-sized bed, and relaxed. The first time he did in a long time.

"Simply amazing place! I actually feel sorry for Peso, he gets a boring and sometimes backbreaking job, and I get to relax and enjoy myself as much as I want. Ain't that a wonderful deal? Heheheh, sucker." Prince said, snickering, and he pulled the _'Vacationing For Dummies (And Kings)'_ book he brought with him and began sifting through the pages.

"...Huh, so that's what the little towelettes they give you are for... I always thought it was for wiping your... never mind."

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_Back on the Mushroom Planet..._

"...So I said to Marny, 'Hey, have you been having trouble getting through doors lately?' and he says 'Actually, I have. For as long as I can remember as a matter of fact! Why?' So, I tell him, 'You wanna know how to solve that problem?' He's all like 'What what what? Tell me, please!', so I lay it on him, 'Simple: Eat some vegis, fat-ass!' _Ahahahahaha!_" Dipp joked, laughing hysterically.

Beyond laughed real hard too, as did Peso. "HAHAHAHA! Oh... That's wonderful... Marny never saw it coming, eh? Hehehe..." Beyond said, chuckling.

Dipp wiped a tear from his face from laughing so hard. "Ahaha... Oh... That's rich... A million bucks... He punched me in the face right after I said that, but it was totally worth it!"

"That would explain the bandage." Peso quipped.

"Yeah... Stills smarts too... _Ow_... But still. Heheheh... Maybe I'll try that on Nik sometime."

As the group sat laughing and carrying on with their joking, the King Of All Cosmos flew by the Mushroom Planet and noticed the cousins laughing, so he stopped and spoke to them.

"You three, Dipp, Peso, Beyond. What is the meaning of your impression of Royal Jesters? _Speak!_" The King boomed.

"Eh? Oh, we're just killing time while we're waiting for those lazy-ass cousins to finish up with katamari duty." Dipp answered.

The King looked confused. "Hmm? The cousins? What about them? Isn't Our wayward son Prince supposed to do that?"

"Well, yeah. But the Prince was all pissy and stressed-out so he took a vacation or somethin'."

"Dipp say _whaaaaat? _Vacation? We and the Family already took a vacation five years ago on the Sunflower Continent! We all do not require another!"

"Again, yeah. But you remember how you destroyed most of the islands all the animals lived on, and cut the vacation short to roll more katamaris to make islands for the homeless animals? Which is the exact opposite of what Prince wanted to do?"

"What nonsense. We do not remember anything of the sort. You must be bluffing Us."

"Uh, actually..." Beyond said, and pulled a PSP system with a copy of _'Me & My Katamari'_ in the slot out of his pocket, and showed it to the King, "Don't you see? Namco has kept a record of it in this game! Don't you remember that deal we had with Namco?"

"...Not at all. You speak nonsense. And since when did you get a PSP, long-neck?"

Dipp snickered at that comment, but Beyond ignored him. "I got it from some game store... Uh, what's it called... uh... Gamestop! Yeah, that's the place. I got it for an awesome price!"

The King shifted nervously. "Yes... Well... We... Uh... _SILENCE!_ Enough of this useless banter! Now, answer Us this, where in the Great Holy Cosmos is Prince?" He roared.

"Him? No idea." Dipp said blankly, playing with a few rocks, "Said he was going to Earth for a tropical getaway or something. Don't know where, but-"

"You do not know where Our son is? _Peso! Beyond!_ Have you nothing to say?"

They both shook their heads.

The King sighed. "Wonderful. Brilliant. Now what the frack are We supposed to do?"

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_On Earth -The Hoshino Household..._

"So Nik?" June asked Nik, when they both just arrived in the house with a 5 centimeter katamari each, "How big should we get these katamaris?"

"Uhh... A quarter-pounder with fries?" Nik replied, slightly confused.

June facepalmed. "Ugh. Can you stop thinking about food _FOR ONCE?_"

"Sorry... My stomach has a brain of its own, and right now its dying for some McD burgers."

"Look, if you're gonna eat fast food then you should at least make a katamari even faster than that! If you do, I promise to order takeout on the way home."

Nik squealed with happiness. "Really? _You will?_ Yes! I'll make this one _huge!_ Let's go let's go!"

"Well, at least now you're showing some enthusiasm. Come on, let's get rolling." June said, smiling a bit, and they took off.

They stayed beside each other while rolling up batteries, candy, coins, and loads more, but were careful not to crash into each other. Suddenly, a cat came out of nowhere around a corner, smashing into the two of them.

"Eek! Look out!" June yelled as she and her katamari was slung to the left at high speed, crashing into a pile of soda cans and getting buried beneath them. Nik was shot in the other direction, through an open door and down a flight of stairs to the ground floor, and was soon out of sight.

June managed to free herself from the soda can pile, and yanked the katamari out of it as well. The cans were not rolled up, as the katamari was only 11 centimeters, not nearly big enough to stick the cans to it.

She looked around for Nik, who was no longer in sight. "Nik?_ Nik!_ Where the hell are you?" She called out. No response.

"Wonderful, just wonderful. I've lost Nik. Now I have to find him _AND_ finish rolling this katamari. What a day."

June rolled out of the room into a hallway, looking around for Nik. "Uh, I think he went down the stairs... But... should I really go down there? Oh well, I guess I should follow him and check the bottom floor. This top floor's giving me vertigo anyway. Bleah."

She started rolling the katamari downstairs, picking up some scraps of paper and other random junk that someone carelessly left on the stairs, and by the time June reached the bottom the katamari had swelled to 16 centimeters.

"Wow, I'm never ceased to be amazed by the trashy and wasteful nature of humans. It's disgusting! But then again, I suppose if not for that we would have nothing to roll up to make stars with... so... Ah, never mind."

Rolling into a bedroom, she saw Ace (of all things) hanging from a ceiling fan, which was rotating at full speed. "What the hell...?" She said bewildered, as she watched Ace having the ride of his life.

"YEEEEEEEEEEAH! WHOOOOOOO! I BELIEEEEEVE I CAN FLY~!" Ace shouted, clearly enjoying this.

June just stood there staring in amazement at Ace's daredevil stunt. "Ace is such a show-off, I'll never forget the time he went skydiving... I actually had a video camera then..."

**=====[A few months ago...]=====**

"WHOOOOOOOOO-YEEEEEEAH BAAAABY!" Ace yelled as he fell through the air, having the time of his life. He had just jumped from a plane at 5000 feet, and was plummeting towards the ground with no regards for his personal safety.

June was there too, but wasn't quite as excited as Ace. Still, it was exhilarating. "YO, ACE!" June shouted, so Ace could hear, "WERE ALMOST AT THE TARGET HEIGHT! WHEN WE DO, WE HAVE TO RELEASE OUR PARACHUTES!"

Ace couldn't hear her, and didn't care. "THRILL OF A LIFETIME, WHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"OH FOR GOD'S SAKE, PULL YOUR GODDAMN PARACHUTE CORD _NOW!_" June yelled.

"SORRY, CAN'T HEAR YA! TOO BUSY ENJOYING MYSELF! YEEEEEAH!"

"IF YOU DON'T, IT'LL BE _BAAAD!_ PULL THE CHUTE CORD NOW YOU DUMBASS!"

"I'M _FREEEEEEEEEEEE_-FALLIN'!"

June grunted angrily and pulled her chute cord, which opened immediately, slowing her down to a safe descent speed. Hmm, maybe I should film this. June thought, and took out her video camera, filming Ace's descent.

Ace didn't seem to notice June's parachute opening, until, "HAHAHA! HEY, JUNE! WHO'S KING OF THE SKY NO- WAIT, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

"OPEN YOUR PARACHUTE!" June yelled at Ace for a final time.

"PARACHUTE? WHAT PARACHUTE... Oh crap."

**=====[ Back to Present...]=====**

"Heheheh... What a laugh. Shattered every bone in his body. I guess landing on pavement will do that to you. I posted the video on YouTube actually. A million hits in just under a week! Eheheh... _Probably shouldn't tell Ace I did that._" June said, recalling the wonderful misadventure of Ace the Flattened and Liquefied.

Ace took no note of June's witness to his stunt, he simply kept hanging on to the fan blades. "RIDE OF A LIFETIME! WHOOOO! I BELIEVE I CAN FLY! I BELieve... I... Can... getting dizzy... gonna barf... _gag_..."

Ace suddenly became disoriented and lost his grip, free-falling (again) from the fan.

"Holy crap! I'll catch ya!" June shouted, and rolled to the place Ace was going to land. Positioning under Ace's shadow, June waited for him to fall onto the katamari... and Ace landed right beside it on the cold wooden floor with a dull and sickening _THUD!_

"...Oops. Sorry." June said, but Ace didn't move, he simply made a lot of gurgling noises. "Guess I better just roll you up so I can take you home." She did so, and right after that smelled something rank.

"Aaagh! For crap's sake! What is that _horrible_ smell?" June shouted, then looked where Ace was stuck on the katamari, he was surrounded and covered with... liquid sick. (Let's leave it at that.)

June nearly vomited herself. "For frack's sake...! That is _SO_ nasty! _Gag_, I think I'm gonna... Oh... Where's some Gravol when you need it?" Then she remembered she had a pack of it in her back pocket. "Oh, right." She took out the pack and flicked a tablet into her mouth, and within moments felt right as rain. "Wow, that stuff really works."

June looked at Ace, still looking very pale and ill on the katamari. "Eh, whatever, you could use some too." She said, and flipped another tablet into Ace's mouth, which was hanging open from having recently hurling.

"Now then, let's get back to finding that fat-head Nik..." June said, and rolled throughout the house, checking every room and upping the katamaris size to 24 centimeters and 6 millimeters. The last room she checked was the kitchen, and when she entered her mouth dropped open in shock. The fridge was WIDE OPEN, COMPLETELY EMPTY, with scraps of food packages EVERYWHERE, and with the missing Nik sitting nearly passed-out in the middle of it.

"What. The. Hell. Is. This. That. I. See. Before. Me." She said slowly, eyes twitching. "_NIIIIIIIIIK!_"

Nik suddenly jumped off the ground and looked around in a daze. "Oh, I'd love to have some more... Ooh, lasagna." He said, munching on some leftover lasagna.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? YOU ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE HOUSE?" June screamed, startling Nik.

"_Aah!_ Who-what-when-where-why-how? Oh, June... Uh... It's not what ya think..."

"Not what I think? It's totally obvious! You forsaken your duties of rolling katamaris so you can stuff your face? No wonder everyone calls you a fat-ass, and a lardo-butt!"

"Uh... I can explain, my stomach bet me that I couldn't eat everything in the house, so I wanted to test that theory. _*Burp*_ I won."

"Just peachy. Now, how are you supposed to roll a katamari as big as mine? We don't have much time left!"

"June... Just take a look at this for a sec..." Nik said, and pulled out a 32cm katamari that had been hidden from sight. June was dumbfounded. "How... the... hell... did you...?"

"Easy... There was a ton of stuff down here before you came along, so I rolled up most of it... Used to be 69cm big but most of it was food, so I ate some of it... 32cm is enough though, right?"

June just sighed and shook her head. "...Whatever. Let's just go home. And by the way, Ace needs some wet-wipes. And some Febreeze. This guy is really stinkin' up the joint."

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_Meanwhile, in Banana City..._

Havana and Ichigo were rolling their katamaris (about 1 meter each) through a streets of Banana City, until they came across a narrow tunnel.

"Uh... Are you sure about this Ichigo?" Havana asked her, "I don't think I can make it through..."

"Don't be such a wuss, it's just a small passageway. Nothing could happen!" Ichigo replied.

"Ummm? Havana to Ichigo, come in please, can you not see I'm physically incapable of fitting through-"

"Oh shut your trap, log-head. Just follow me!"

"Holy Jebus... Quit calling me log-head! I know I have a head like, twice as long as my body, but can I help it?"

"Apparently not. So come on, you pussy!" Ichigo said, then rolled her katamari through the tunnel, easily slipping through.

Havana sighed. "Oh well, here goes nuttin'..." He said, then followed after Ichigo. His katamari fit through nice and snugly, but his head did not. Thump!

"_ASS!_ I knew this would happen!" Havana yelled angrily. "I knew I shoulda gotten that head size reduction surgery that Opeo offered me!"

**=====[Flashback]=====**

"So, uh, Opeo? Are you sure about this?" Havana asked nervously.

"Of course! This doctor has been my practitioner for years!" Opeo replied, rubbing his head.

"That's not sayin' much..."

"Yeah, well... Oh look, there he is now!"

A very scary-looking doctor came out of the door into the waiting room, surveying his patients with an evil-looking eye.

"Holy crap... that guy is freaky..." Havana said quietly, trying to avoid eye-contact with this doctor.

"Next." the doctor said coldly, and a small, frail man came up to him and into the doctor's office, which said 'Dr. Payne' on it.

Dr. Payne went back into the office, and he could see the shadow of the doc holding what looked like... a bone-saw! A scream was heard from the office that belonged to an old man, and Havana snapped.

"SCREW THIS, I'M PEELING!" He shouted, and ran out of the hospital as fast as his legs will carry him (bumping into one too many door frames on the way out).

Opeo had no chance to react, so he sat there in shock.

Dr. Payne soon emerged from the office, with a confused look on his face. "What the dickens? Where did the log-thing go?" He asked.

Turns out, the good doctor was actually holding a remote control, and the source of the scream was just a television set tuned to a horror movie inside the office so the patient could watch something.

"Does he not like scary movies? I could've just as easily put on some sports or somethin'."

Opeo sighed. "Don't worry doc, he's just a pansy."

**=====[Back to reality]=====**

"...Or maybe not. Brrrr..." Havana said, shivering. He thought for a minute, then smiled. "Genius."

Havana turned sideways, and started bumping the katamari through the tunnel with the side of his head. "Perfect! Finally, my signature mutated defect is put to good use!"

He continued to do this for a few minutes, everything around him growing darker and darker, but then he heard something that made his heart skip a beat.

_Choooo-choooooooooooo!_

"What the hell is that? Some miner whistling dixie?"

Havana looked (just barely) down the tunnel past his katamari, and saw a distant light in the distance.

"Is that a...? Wait..."

_CHOOOO-CHOOOOOOOOOO!_

"You got to be sh-"

_**SMACK! **_"AAAAAAARGH!"

Havana and the the katamari were smashed head-on by a train, which is in fact what the tunnel was for. Within seconds, they were launched out of the tunnel and slung halfway across town, then hit a poorly-placed ramp and were sent flying into a nearby lake.

_SPLAAASH!_

The meter wide katamari made a huge tidal wave, splashing several people that were near the shoreline. Within a few minutes, Havana emerged from the lake, still rolling the katamari, which was covered with seaweed, rocks, and numerous kinds of fish. It's size was now over 2.4 meters.

"Well... It wasn't a total waste... I'm soaked like a sponge in square pants though..." Havana said, dripping wet and depressed.

"Oh, Havana~!" An all-too-familiar voice said. He turned to look, and saw Ichigo, standing beside a 5 meter katamari.

Havana gaped at her. "Wait... What? You went into the tunnel too...! How did you escape that train?"

"Easy." Ichigo said, giggling. "It's called don't stand around recalling repressed memories of your last visit the doctor's office."

"_WHAT?_ HOW THE HELL DID YOU-?"

"Opeo told me all about it. It was a riot of a story, heheh."

"...I hate you so much."

"The feeling is mutual. Shall we leave now?"

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_Meanwhile in Pigeon Town..._

Odeko and Signolo were almost finished with their katamari rolling, with little to no incident. They both each had 15 meter katamaris, and had managed to roll up all the buildings in town (and the people in it).

"Well..." Odeko said, "That actually turned out okay."

Signolo flickered between his three different faces, speaking in his typical broken manner. "I really do - think that - it's really nice!"

"You know, it is really annoying that I can never figure out which face is your real one." Odeko said, scratching his tall head in confusion.

"Sorry but - can't really - help it!" Signolo droned.

"Ugh, whatever, let's just go so we can catch a break."

"Okay - but - GASP!"

"What? What the hell's wrong?"

"Look - over - there!"

"Where? I don't see anything..."

"Are you - blind? - There!"

"I don't see any-" Odeko turned in the direction Signolo was pointing at, then gasped. "I don't believe it... Can it be...?"

"It must - be true - of course!"

"But really, is it even possible?" Odeko walked over to the sign on a Domino's Pizza restaurant they rolled up.

"Read it - aloud for - us please!"

"Okay... They... changed their pizza recipe...? Domino's Pizza is actually edible now...? How is this possible?"

"What - the - hell?"

"I know... It's... it's... AMAZING!"

"I'm suddenly - hungry for some - pizza now!"

"Me too! Come on! Let's go!"

Odeko and Signolo entered the restaurant (somehow still in business), and ordered 20 large pizzas to go, then finally left to the Mushroom Planet with their katamaris.

"Everyone's gonna love this! New Domino Pizza recipe for the win!" Odeko said brightly, mounting the pizza boxes on the katamari as they flew it home.

"Yes indeed - so happy for - everybody!" Signolo answered, all three of his faces smiling.

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

Peso, Dipp, and Beyond sat on the Mushroom Planet, chatting amongst themselves with the King hovering over them, not really paying attention to what they were saying. Beyond was mostly playing with the PSP that he had, chatting only loosely, which prompted Dipp to silently call Beyond a nerd.

"So Peso, how long has it been since the cousins left?" Dipp asked Peso.

"Huh? Oh, uh... I don't... really know... umm... the Nuremburg Trials?" Peso responded.

Dipp sighed. "You gotta lay off those WW2 documentaries buddy..."

"It's been 6 minutes." Beyond said quickly, not taking his eyes off the PSP he was playing.

"Nerd!" Dipp whispered audibly, but Beyond ignored him.

The King sighed. "How can the cousins roll katamaris? They can probably do it, but they'll be no good at it! We don't have time to dole out punishments for fifty-something cousins! How vexing."

There was a dull silence for several minutes. Until it was broken a plethora of voices. "We're back!" "Katamaris galore!" "We Love Katamari! ...No that wasn't a pun." "Everyone loves katamari you douche!" "You shut up!" "No, you!" "YOU!" "YOU ALL SHUT UP!" "WHY SHOULD I, HE STARTED IT!" "SURE, BLAME THE GUY WITH A LOG FOR A HEAD!" All the cousins had returned with variously sized katamaris, and they soon started arguing amongst themselves.

"WE MUST HAVE SILENCE!" The King roared, and everyone shut up in an instant. "Perfect. Now let us see here, you all decided to roll us katamaris? How foolish. Everyone knows only the Prince-" Then King suddenly noticed all the katamaris that the Prince's cousins had rolled up, and how well they had been done.

"...Whoo... wunderbar, We're almost jealous. You have indeed outdone yourselves. This is actually much better than We expected. Perhaps this whole new system would work so much better..." The King said, then thought hard for a moment. "Ah. We see now. Our nephews, if you see Prince... then tell him he can be on vacation as long as Prince desires! Just tell him to send the bill to Our Pappy."

Dipp, Peso, and Beyond all looked at each other and smiled. "Well, that was probably the most useful thing I've ever done!" Dipp said.

"Since when have you ever been helpful Dipphead? Heheheheh, Dipphead... Heheheh..." Beyond retorted, snickering at his newfound nickname for Dipp.

Dipp glared at Beyond. "Don't you dare start with me long-neck. I'll take you out right here, cracker."

The King began picking up the katamaris one by one and turning them into stars. "Wowies, this is the most stars We've ever made in one go! So much pleased-ness." The King then picked up the katamari June made, the one with Ace (and his 'liquid sick') attached to it.

The King peeled the half-conscious Ace off the katamari, and tossed him onto the Mushroom Planet. "Eewww! What is this horrid smell that assaults Our nose? Yeckth! Disgusting Ace! We do not even want to know what this strange green-ish sticky stuff is, so as such, We will not touch it. Bleh."

Ace slowly stood up and clutched his stomach in sickness. "Somebody... get me... another... Gravol pill... or at least... send me back... to skydiving school..."

June rolled her eyes. "Oh, hell. Here we go again."

The King tossed the sick-covered katamari into the air, which in a flash of light turned into a planet resembling a barf bag.

"Ah, We see now. We shall name it... Lunch bag planet!" The King said proudly.

Nearly every cousin looked both confused and disgusted.

"Oh, We forgot to mention how a typical school lunch tastes like barf. It really does. Trust Us kids, We've been there."

The King then took Nik's katamari, and turned it into a planet resembling a restaurant. "Ooh. Welly-num! I'll call that one Fast Food Planet! Oh look, it does deliveries! How lovely."

He then took the katamaris Havana and Ichigo made, and threw them both in the sky. Havana's katamari became 'Something's Fishy' star (yes it looked like a fish), and Ichigo's katamari became the 'Sneaky Devil' nebula.

Havana scoffed. "I couldn't think of a better name." He said, glaring at Ichigo, who just shrugged in response.

The King next took Odeko and Signolo's katamaris, which each became a star which didn't look like anything extraordinary except a simple ball of flaming gases. Peso was concerned about this.

"Wait... weren't there people on those katamaris Odeko? Signolo?" He asked.

They both nodded. Peso turned to the King, looking pale. "Uh, what happened to those people...?"

"We have no idea. We assume it isn't a very comfortable process. What, with stars practically being balls of infinitely hot gases. You do the math Peso. We're sure that you need it."

"If the people are on the katamari... and the katamari is turned into a ball of flames... which means... oh my god..."

A few cousins coughed. Some shifted nervously. Mu didn't really seem to care whatsoever, but being evil will do that to you.

Odeko and Signolo then came forward with the pizzas. "Uh, this may not be the best time, but... We got a whole buncha pizza!" "Yeah we did - get Domino's pizza, they - have new recipe!"

"Really?" numerous cousin's asked, a bit skeptical of the new pizza recipe. "...Well, let's just give it a try I guess..."

Everyone there grabbed a slice of pizza (even the King), and, at the same time, took a bite.

Things were silent a long time.

"...So?" Odeko asked. "What do you think?"

June looked deliriously happy. "I think I just ate a piece of heaven."

"I've found love at last..." Dipp said.

"Nomnomnom.., Oh my God... So good..." Marny said, maddeningly horfing down his slice.

"_Fantabulous!_" The King said, "This is the most wonderful thing in the Cosmos! We declare it!"

"Want... more..." Nik said, reaching for the pizza box.

"Hey!" Odeko said, "Don't be so greedy!"

"But I want more."

"I said no!"

"I _need _more."

"What part of 'no' didn't you get?"

"GIMME THOSE GODDAMN PIZZAS!"

Nik began chasing Odeko around the planet, while everyone laughed madly at their expense.

"Now this..." Dipp said, laying back on the ground, "Is a _DREAM_ job."

* * *

A/N: To be honest, I know Domino's changed their recipe and all, but I never tried it for myself. :P I'll just assume it tastes good (if it doesn't, I'll turn it around in the next part). So, Part 2 is done, with Part 3 to come soon! Until next time folks! Don't forget to review (if you do I'll give you some of that pizza! Careful, Nik had his hands all over it. XD)!

Fare thee well!

- gl1m0


	3. Ep 1: Katamari Pilot: 塊パイロット: Part III

A/N: Okay, third part's up. ;) I'll be brief in my intro blab saying just to read and enjoy Part 3, and review when you're done. Hope it suits you guys! (And also, noticed that I stuck some japanese characters in the chapter titles? It's mostly for effect (katamari originating from Japan and all), but maybe one day I'll translate this to Japanese for real. Depends how much attention this gets!)

* * *

_**THE PRINCE OF KINGS**_

**SEASON 1**

**EPISODE 1: Katamari Pilot (Part III)**

* * *

_Last time on The Prince of Kings: Some stuff happened and some more stuff happened. Then all the cousins ended up rolling a buncha katamaris and the King made them into stars and blahblahblah THE POINT IS, The Prince has been allowed to stay on vacation while his lazy-arse cousins handle katamari business. Good enough system? Seems like it to me. Let's check in on the Prince's vacation, shall we? _

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

"Ah yes... The 260 yarder course, eh? Hmm, pretty far. Gonna need my 1/9-Iron." Prince said, now enjoying a good eighteen holes on the resorts massive golf-course. He turned to his human caddy. "Hey, Caddy! Be a good boy and fetch my 1/9-Iron will ya?"

The caddy grumbled a bit, and pulled a one-inch golf club from the tiny golf bag he was holding, then handed it to Prince.

"Thanks golf slave. Now then..." He said, then lined up a shot with the pea-sized ball on the thumbtack-sized tee. Raising the club over his head, he prepared to swing it when his cPhone (Cosmo Phone) began ringing madly, interrupting his focus.

"Grr...! For fracks sake! Who the hell could that be?" Prince shouted angrily, then pulled the phone out of his pocket, turned it on, and held it to his ear (or at least where it should be).

"Yo, Prince of All Cosmos talkin'. Either speak up, shut up, or hang up."

"Prince! Dipp Cosmo here! What's up on your end?"

"Dipp? Wait... Dipp Cosmo? You don't even have a last name you dumbass!"

"I know that! But it sounds cooler than just 'Dipp', ya know? Dipp Cosmo has a nice ring to it!"

"Touché. Fine then, whadda ya what? I'm busy on the eighteen holes here!"

"You're golfing? Heh, you always had a thing for boring sports."

"_Shut up! _It's an awesome game! Now what the hell do you want?"

"Touchy, aren't you? Well, I just called to say that things are going good in katamari terms."

"I see, how's Peso handling things?"

"Uh... Well... About that... Um... You know... how he's mentally incompetent at managing... right?"

"Wait... what? What did he do?"

"Chill out bro- I mean cuz, everything's fine... Me and Beyond have decided to appoint ourselves co-leaders!"

"Say what...? Oh God, please Dipp, please tell me you didn't-"

"I said _chill out _already! Everything's just peachy-keen fine! The King actually was pretty happy with how all the katamaris turned out! We told him you went on vacation so-"

"YOU TOLD HIM I LEFT ON VACATION? YOU DUMBASS! DIDN'T I SAY NOT TO TELL-"

"No, you didn't! You just said 'Don't burn the place down', but that doesn't really matter now!"

"*Sigh*... Nothing was burned?"

"...Well, Nik did actually start a tiny fire from trying to light a barbecue... He _reeeally_ wanted a burger you see... But we got it under control! Only less than half of the planet was charred, some if it pretty badly... But nothing a good spit-shine won't fix!"

"..."

"What's with the silent act? I told you it's no big deal!"

"The hell it isn't."

"...Ugh. Anyway, the King just said that you can stay on vacation for as long as you like!"

"...What did I just hear? The King of All Doofuses said that I can what?"

"'Stay on your vacation', that's what he said. I'm not kidding dude. Dipp Cosmo never lies!"

"It wouldn't be the first time..."

"Seriously? I'm not bullcrapping you Prince, I'm dead serious. Oh, and he also said to just send the bill to his Pappy."

"His Pappy? You mean Grandpa? His social security number is 2342-3242-9744-7878 right?"

"You know it is. I'll take that as a yes then?"

"Totally! I'll talk to ya later Dipp!"

"That's 'Dipp Cosmo' to you, Prince. See ya on the flipside cuz!" _***BEEP***_

"I said already that you don't... Oh forget it."

Prince turned off his cPhone and stuffed it into his pocket, then returned his focus to golfing.

"Oookay... Gotta keep my eye on the ball..." He muttered to himself as the caddy stood by impatiently. Prince hoisted the club above him like before, lining up a shot.

"Fore!" He shouted, and smacked the ball as hard as he could. The ball was launched into the distance, and was soon out of sight to him.

"Wooah! That must've went miles!" Prince said, amazed at the speed and distance of the ball. He began running to where the ball was, and his caddy followed him (very slowly).

After a few minutes, they both arrived at where the ball landed, roughly a half-dozen yards from where they started.

"Nice, this is for the books!" Prince said proudly, and jotted some notes into his game card.

The caddy facepalmed. On a 260 yard course where the first shot went only 6 yards... he's gonna be there for a while.

"Sir...? If I may recommend a somewhat... smaller course? To fit your size?" The caddy suggested.

"Small courses? _Pffft! _Those are for lightweights! It takes real skills to conquer a huge course like this!"

"I suppose you're right sir... but... *Sigh*"

Prince ignored the caddy and continued to hit the ball again, going 5 yards this time. The next shot went 6 yards, then the next went 4, then 5, then 4 and a half... You get the picture.

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_Back on the Mushroom Planet..._

Dipp shut off the phone and tossed it to Beyond. "Thanks for letting me use your phone Geekzilla. Heh."

"Honestly Dipp..." Beyond said, sighing, "Is it necessary to call me that all the time?"

"Yes, yes it is." Dipp retorted, then turned to Peso. "Has anyone come back from katamari duty yet?"

Peso looked a bit confused. "Uhh, who now? Oh yeah, the cousins... No, none of 'em are back yet."

Dipp sighed. "Honest to God, it's been-"

"12 minutes." Beyond quipped.

"...Yes, thank you _SO_ much Beyond..." Dipp said sarcastically. "But seriously... Where are those guys?"

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_Somewhere on Earth..._

"AAAAAUUUGH! HELP ME! DEAR GOD, SOMEONE! ANYONE! _HELP ME!_" Opeo screamed as he was being chased by a huge bear.

"ROOOAAAR!" The bear roared. It had chased Opeo through a forest while he was trying to roll a katamari there. Not the best idea he's ever had mind you. Although he should've seen it coming, since the area was clearly marked off with _'BEAR COUNTRY: DANGER! KEEP OUT!'_ signs.

"OH MY DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN THAT THING'S GONNA RIP ME TO SHREDS!" yelled Opeo as he ran as fast as he could away from the 300-pound animal with claws the size of knife blades.

Opeo ran, screaming as loud as he could, until he ran into a cliff face, a dead end. Terrified, he slowly turned around to face the wild animal.

The bear slowly approached Opeo, growling menacingly, and he backed up against the cliff wall, barely breathing.

Scared out of his wits, the only thing he could say was, "_Nice doggy..._"

^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^

_Back on the Mushroom Planet..._

"Oh well, I'm sure they're fine" Dipp said, shrugging. "It's not like they'll get mauled or anything. Katamari is supposed to be fun!"

"Prince doesn't think it's very fun." Peso informed him.

Dipp scoffed. "I know that! But that's just because he's a _P__rince_ for God's sake, they don't think anything is fun."

"He's got a point Peso." Beyond said.

"Yeah... It's a shame though..." said Peso, looking a little downcast.

Dipp came and put an arm around Peso reassuringly. "There there, at least he's enjoying his vacation."

"But... Isn't 'enjoying' the same thing as 'fun'?"

"Uhh, yeah? Your point?"

"You just said that he doesn't think anything is fun!"

"What? I said no such thing. Your mind's playing tricks on you again Peso."

"But... I... could of sworn..."

"Well, you're wrong. It's okay to admit that Peso, no one really cares anyway."

"Wha-? Now that's plain horsecrap! I knew-"

"Eh-hem, Beyond?"

Beyond initially didn't want to further this trick, but he gave in to Dipp's glares and shook his head. "Nope, Dipp didn't say anything of the sort."

Peso looked despondent. "Aargh... What's wrong with me...?"

Beyond flashed Dipp a look that said "_Why do you torture Peso like that?_", and Dipp responded with one that said "_'Cause I can! Nerd._"

Peso sat on the ground, looking rather upset, but Dipp ignored him and strolled around the Mushroom Planet, gazing at the... 'overcooked' side he mentioned earlier.

"Yeek. Stills smells like burnt cow over here." Dipp said to himself, "Wish Ace hadn't used all the Febreeze we had. Hmm. Someone needs to go shop."

Dipp turned and walked back to both Peso and Beyond, both sitting on the ground, looking rather bored.

"Okay gang!" He said, "It's that time of the week again!"

Peso looked up. "What? Laundry day?"

"No."

"Bath day?"

"Wrong."

"Err, Mother's Day?"

"...Try again."

"Uhh... D-Day?"

Dipp facepalmed. "Fail. Just, _fail_. Epic fail. Seriously, will you just shut up Peso?"

"...Sorry." Peso said, then sheepishly sat backed down, allowing Dipp to finish.

"Thank you. Now, as I was saying: Today is Grocery Day!"

"Oh, I _KNEW_ I was forgetting something!" Peso said out loud, forgetting what Dipp had said.

"AHEM. Peso, I believe I said already to shut your ass up. I'm talking. Jesus Christ..."

"S-Sorry..."

"Ugh, whatever. Anyway, Someone needs to go and get some schtuff from Earth. Either of you game?"

Beyond shook his head. "Nu-uh, I'm too cheap and Peso's too dumb-" "Hey!""-Find some other suckers Dipphead."

"Eh, you got a point. A lousy one, but still. And pretty much everyone else is out rolling katamaris... except..." Dipp turned to the one other cousin on 'standby duty'.

"Huey! Go fetch us some groceries! Get some Febreeze too!" He said, and tossed a hastily written list on a notebook at his head, which bounced off him and landed on the ground.

Totally unfazed by this, the dull-green second cousin Huey just smiled and waved, then spoke in his naturally kind and happy way. "Hi guys! Such a lovely day isn't it? Oh yeah! Sorry, but I got a call from cousin Prince! He asked me to help him out with stuff on Earth while he was on vacation so... Bye bye! And sorry again! I'll send you a cookie when I get there!" He said, then took off.

Dipp sighed. "Nrgh... Alright, how about you Miki?" He said to second cousin Miki, who was standing right next to where Huey used to be standing as well, "You heard what I said, right?"

"Yeah, yeah..." She said, sounding rather bored, "Whatever, I'll go do it. Just be waiting for me when I get back, I don't want it to end up like last time..."

**=====[Flashback: On the Mushroom Planet]=====**

"Okay Miki," Dipp said, "We need you to go grab some groceries for us, here's a list. Please?"

Miki sighed. "Alright, only because you haven't been mean to me, so far anyway, and I'm bored. Plus, my daily Yoga isn't until 3 PM anyway, so I got time to kill."

"I'm telling ya girl, you gotta quit it with those Yoga classes. They don't do nothing for ya!"

"I'll live_ MY _live thank-you-very-much." She shot back, then whispered, "_Asshole..._"

"What was that?"

"Nothing. I'll be gone then."

As Miki flew to Earth to get groceries, Dipp rejoined with Peso and Beyond. "Nice, I got her to get groceries for us!"

"Lazy-ass." Beyond said quickly.

Dipp just ignored him. "Anyway, we won't hafta wait much longer till we get some cheesies!"

"Aww, yes!" Peso chanted, "Chee-sies! Chee-sies! Chee-sies!"

"Cheesiree bob! I love those things!" Beyond quipped.

Dipp laughed. "Yes, yes... We'll all get to chow down any minute now..."

_(Ten Minutes Later...)_

"...Screw this, let's get some Burger King." Dipp said, his patience run dry.

Nik suddenly started rushing towards them, then blurted out, "Take me with you!"

The foursome flew off for Earth to the closest Burger King, but no sooner than they left did Miki return with twelve bags of groceries.

"Urf... Heavy... Okay you guys... I got-" She said, setting down the bags, then noticed Dipp, Peso, or Beyond weren't there. "...What the hell? Hey, Velvet, didja see where they went?"

"Huh? Oh, they got tired of waiting, so they left for a Burger King raid." Velvet replied.

"Heh. That figures." Miki said, secretly trying to conceal a horrendous rage from being ditched, with moderate success. "...Hmm, I guess if it weren't for my Yoga training then I'd probably go all rage-quit on everyone here and tear their throats out. Huh. Smart investment."

Velvet backed up a but, looking rather disturbed. "Uh... Yeah... Smart... Ummm, I gonna retreat to a safe distance now, 'kay?" She said, and took off in a hurry (as did pretty much every cousin within earshot), leaving Miki to deal with her violent thoughts alone.

"...I suddenly have an urge to decapitate and dismember something. Maybe Dipp would be a nice candidate..."

**=====[Back to Reality]=====**

Dipp shuddered. "Please... Don't remind me about that. The look on your face then had nothing on Freddy Krueger even!"

"I'll take that as a compliment. With that, I'm gone." Miki said, and flew off towards the Earth to fetch groceries.

Dipp sat back down with Peso and Beyond, then the three began talking.

"So... You made poor Miki go get groceries _AGAIN?_" Beyond said, looking rather annoyed.

Dipp shrugged. "Eh, so? We learned our lesson last time-"

"Yeah... But Miki was so pissed when we finally _did_ come back. Can we really risk it?"

"I don't see why not. Guys gotta gamble."

Beyond scoffed. "That is SO not true."

"Shut up. I know what I'm doing."

"...And a few minutes later he says _'Screw it, let's go to Random Place'_, just like all those times before."

"Will you quit it? I'm not that impatient!"

"You're so impatient, you can't even wait for your 10-second meals to heat up!"

"Wha-? That is so lame dude. You know what? I'll prove that I can wait here until Miki comes back!"

"Bet on it?"

"Yeah! 200 dollars! Do we have a deal?"

"I'll be a rich relative within the hour."

"Great! Got a pen?"

"For what? To write your admittance of defeat?"

"No, dumbass! I meant so I could write down this bet so we don't forget! Hey that rhymed..."

"Okay, but we got no paper!"

"We can just write on anything, right?"

"Yeah... But what..."

They both turned to look at Peso, and then a thought flashed through both of their minds at the same time.

"...Or who... to use for that...?" Then they both smiled mischievously.

Peso looked at Dipp and Beyond with growing anxiety. "G-Guys? What are you doing?" He asked nervously.

Neither of them responded. They just started walking slowly towards Peso, arms outstretched. "Just come here a minute buddy..." "This won't hurt at all... We just need your... services."

Quite unsettled, Peso backed away from the two slowly. "What for? Why are you looking at me like that? Go away! I really don't- _Eeeeep!_"

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_Meanwhile, at the Resort's Golf Course..._

Prince was only 30 or so yards through the _first hole_, which was 260 yards... Quite pathetic, yes. The caddy got so fed up that he simply left, not that Prince really cared though. He had just called his cousin Huey to come and be his replacement caddy, and he wondered what the hell was taking him so long.

"Honest to God, where the hell is that gay and uber-happy cousin of mine usually and often referred to as Huey? It's been like, two friggin' minutes since I called him!" Prince grumbled to himself, sitting on the golf fairway watching the skies with anticipation.

Finally, a distant green speck came into view and Huey soon came and landed right next to him, bag in hand. "Hi-hi-hi Prince!" He said, sounding very jittery, as usual. "I'm here! And I brought my sleeping bag! And spare golfing... uhh... stuff!"

Prince sighed. Ordinarily he would've brought Peso along, since he loves golfing. But he had been given katamari duty, so that wasn't an option. Besides, Huey will not only do anything... He'll do it with a smile. That's right, he would even murder and be happy about it. Some say he's gay, others say schizophrenic. Some just say he's a psychopath.

"Yes... Wonderful. Now, if you would please get to your 'golf slave' duties?" Prince said, ignoring Huey's characteristic happiness.

Huey was ecstatic, even though the job involved following Prince around and handing him golf clubs on occasion. "_Wheee!_ Thank you so much! Happy happy happy!" Huey squealed and nearly hugged Prince, but some quick thinking avoided that would-be tragedy.

"No hugging. For fracks sake, I've told you that SO, MANY, TIMES!" Prince said angrily.

Despite this, Huey was as happy as ever. "Okay, whatever you say! Heehee."

Prince rolled his eyes and lined up another shot, trying to be as focused as possible. "Don't bug me, okay? I really gotta focus on this one." He said to Huey, who was standing patiently with the golf bag. Huey just nodded in response, still smiling over-enthusiastically.

Pooling a ton of focus, Prince raised the club over his head, then swung it down and smacked the ball at least another 5 or 6 yards.

"Oh, WOW!" Huey squealed, overjoyed at the amazing (to him and Prince at least) shot, "That was so COOL! You rock at this game Cuzzy!"

"First of all, I thought I said before NEVER to call me that again. It sounds _real _gay, especially coming from you." Prince replied, slightly put-off. "Secondly, I'm a natural at this game dude, this kinda thing doesn't really surprise me. But yeah, I am pretty great. Heheh..."

The two of them walked to where the ball landed, Huey praising Prince the whole way. You'd think he'd like this but after awhile it gets pretty annoying...

"Hey hey hey Prince! Is that club you're holding a 1/9-Iron? SWEET! Can I hold it? Huh? Can I can I can I can I? And ooh is that a cPhone?_ COOL!_ Can I play with it? Please? I won't break it! I _PROMISSSSSE!_"

"...Ugh."

...Case in point.

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_On the Mushroom Planet..._

"...You know, it's been _ten freakin' minutes_ since she left!" Dipp almost shouted, finally losing his patience.

Beyond sighed. He had been playing _Me & My Katamari_ with his PSP to kill time, and took turns with Peso, who was also bored.

"You know Dipp," He said, "If you're so bored then why don't you come play some games with us?"

"I would sooner give up the Disco!" Dipp yelled, "You don't get it do you?"

"Urgh... Get what? What's wrong with video games? Or games in general?"

"It has no passion! No _pizazz!_"

"_Pizazz? _The hell?"

"...That's something only the fine art of dancing can give! No one understands me!"

"Uhh..."

"And you know what? I don't give a crap about that! They can all twiddle their thumbs-"

"We have no thumbs, Dipphead."

"...Figure of speech! Anywho, while those vidiots waste away in their LAN clubs, I live on in the _DISCO_ club! Don'tcha see? Prince might be the_ "Prince Of All Cosmos",_ but I, Dipp Cosmo, am the _Disco Prince!_ Behold!"

Dipp clapped his hands, and in a puff of smoke and flash of light he suddenly appeared atop a stage with a disco ball floating over his head, music blaring from a pair of huge speakers, and lights of all colors flashing so fiercely, it could've induced a seizure. "_C'MON BABY!_" Dipp shouted, busting a move onstage, "LET ME HEAR YOU YELL! EVERYBODY DO THE DIPP!"

Peso and Beyond sat in complete shock, not sure what to make of the extreme musical display before them. Leaning over, Beyond whispered into Peso's ear(?). "_Is it just me, or did Dipp finally lose it?_"

Peso nodded in response, not taking his eyes off the Dancing Dipp.

"Oh dear me! What is the meaning of such_ loud_ noise? And where is my love, Prince?" A small, feminine voice said.

The music, lights, and dancing all stopped instantaneously, and the three turned to the source of the voice. It belonged to none other than the Princess of All Cosmos, dressed nicely in her usual white and pink gown, and wearing her petit little crown. ...Okay, Princess isn't really a princess, but she and Prince have a 'thing' going on, so it's pretty close to that.

"Oh, it's just you three... Umm... Dipp, Peso, and Sir Beyond if I can remember right..." Princess said.

Beyond blushed. "Heehee, Princess called me _'Sir Beyond'_... Haha... It's a shame she's taken..." He said to himself.

Dipp shot Beyond a look, then returned his gaze to Princess.

"Uhh, H-Hey Princess. Whats up with you?" Dipp said, feeling rather humbled to be in her presence.

"Me? Oh, quite lovely actually, me and Mother went out to the orchard, and we got some simply luscious fruit, and I wanted to share some with my Prince." Princess replied, and showed them a picnic basket filled with apples, pears, and lemons even.

Dipp and Peso said nothing more than "Oh, neat.", but Beyond was a different story. He_ loved_ fresh fruits and vegis. More than anything else actually. So typically, he rushed over and eyed the fruits with a heavy sense of envy, practically drooling over them.

"Hey, watch it please!" Princess said, withdrawing the basket out of Beyond's reach, "These are for Prince, not you, I'm sad to say."

"Aww, but I love that stuff..." Beyond said despondently.

Princess sighed. "If you really must have some, then we have mountains of it in out orchard still! You can help yourself as much as you-" _**ZOOM! **_"-want... Wait, where the bloody dickens is that... Oh..."

Beyond blazed away, not even letting the Princess finish her sentence.

"...That Beyond is a very curious fellow. Hm."

Princess turned to both Dipp and Peso, but was surprised to watch Dipp rapidly disassemble the stage piece by piece, then somehow stuff every piece into a purse, which Dipp stuffed into his pocket. Dipp noticed that both Princess and Peso were watching him with widened eyes, and so he glared at them in response. "You saw nothing." He said sharply.

"Ooookay..." Princess replied, slightly creeped out.

Peso just nodded somewhat hesitantly.

"Fine then... So... What's next?" Dipp said, trying to change the subject.

"Ahem, as I was trying to ask," Princess said gently, "I was asking you gentlemen where my dear prince... Prince is. I've been looking for him all over, his home, the castle, the meadow, everywhere! Please, you're his friends, so surely you should know?"

Dipp quickly answered her question. "Ahh, yeah. Prince is over yonder, at some resort on Earth. He's taking a vacation-"

"_Vacation? _Whaa... why did he just leave? He never even told me!"

"I know, he just had a bad day of rolling those katamaris today, so he came and told us he had enough and just... left."

"Oh... This is so vexing... How am I supposed to find him now? You do not know where he is?"

"Well, actually, I do. You see, I called him you see-"

"With_ MY _phone!" Beyond suddenly cut in, having just returned from the Royal Orchard with two baskets stuffed with fruits of all kinds.

"...Yes. Anyway, I used the GPS feature on long-neck's phone to track Prince's location, which is, as of my call to him, exactly within the Bahamas, at the Relax-Nation Resort. Know where to go now?"

"I do." Princess said appreciatively, then bowed. "Thank you so much for your help..."

Princess then walked toward Dipp, and it seemed like she was going to give him a thank-you kiss.

"Daww... That's okay Princess, I know I'm great..." Dipp said modestly as Princess came closer, and closer... and passed right by him, instead walking towards Beyond. "_Huh? _What the-"

"Sir Beyond," Princess said to him, "It was so nice of you to let Dipp use your phone to help find my Prince, you're so generous!" And she gave Beyond a kiss on the cheek.

Beyond swooned, laughing deliriously. "_Ahahaha... _Princess thinks I'm generous, _Ahaha... Heee.._."

Princess even came and gave Peso a smooch on the cheek as well. "And you Peso. You're just so _cute!_ And are my brother also!"

"Ooh, I love you sis." Peso said, blushing intensely.

"Me too little bother- I mean brother. Farewell!" And with that, Princess left towards the resort Prince was at.

There was an awkward silence.

"...What the_ HELL? !_" Dipp shouted furiously, "She was supposed to give ME a kiss! You two cheated me out!"

"_Heehee... _Sorry Dipps-A-Lot, she just totally digs me! _Heee..._" Beyond retorted, still feeling the cheek Princess kissed. "I'll never wash this cheek again... Not that I ever did in the first place, but oh well..."

Peso was still blushing. "...My sister is so cool." He said.

"Yeah... It's just not fair- Wait what now? Princess is your _SISTER? ! ?_" Dipp almost yelled, gaping at Peso.

"Well... Half-sister I guess, but still, Mommy says that-"

"I don't care what auntie Queenie says! Sister? This is just...! Argh, I need to lie down for once."

Beyond snickered. "You didn't know that? I've known since... well... since they were born! But I can't remember when of course, it seems like eons..."

"Who cares about that? I just can't believe that retard Peso is Princess's... Gah!_ Unthinkable!_"

Things were silent for a while after that.

"Umm... A reminder perhaps? We're still waiting on Miki to deliver those groceries." Beyond said.

Dipp looked furious. "_What-!_ That does it! I've been waiting way too damn long! I'm leaving!"

Before Dipp could take one foot into space they all heard a voice. "I'm back!"

Turning to look at where it came from, they saw it was Miki, carrying two dozen bags of groceries, flying towards the Mushroom Planet.

"I'm back you guys, thanks for not ditching me _for once._" Miki said as she landed, setting down the bags of food. "What'd I miss?"

Dipp stared blankly at Miki. "So you choose_ NOW_ to show up? Where the hell were you? !" He shouted, demanding answers.

"Huh. I guess you haven't seen then. Your little katamari operation has fell through. It's pretty much in cinders." Miki said unabashedly, "And Opeo's in the hospital... Again. Got mauled by a bear apparently. Sounds like fun, right?"

No one spoke. Dipp, Peso, and Beyond stared at Miki with a look of horror on their faces. "_**W-W-What? !**_" They all shouted at once, and Miki began retelling the situation she witnessed...

**=====[Minutes ago...]=====**

Miki stared at the scene of chaos before her. Getting groceries had never been more unusual. Katamaris were rolling all over the place, a random cousin commanding each, and things were looking pretty pitiful.

Havana had somehow gotten his katamari stuck between two buildings, across a road, and couldn't move it at all. He pushed and pulled and struggled and prayed and begged and cursed and cried and begged some more before giving up.

"_Huff..._ _Harff..._ For... _Huff..._ crap's sake... _Hoof... _How the hell... am I... _Huff..._ supposed... _Harf..._ to get this thing unstuck...?" He said, exhausted.

Havana caught sight of an approaching car, and saw a chance. "Hey, the car will crash right into the ball and unstick it! Then I'll go on! You're a genius Havana!"

He waited for the car to bash into the katamari, which it did, stopping immediately, but sending the clump of stuff sailing away.

"Aww _yes!_ It worked!" Havana said, victorious. He walked over into the street in front on the motionless car, and when he saw where the katamari was going he froze. The ball rolled and fell into a hole. Not just any hole, the famous 'Bottomless Pit' , which was cruelly just big enough for the katamari to slip down into its abyss.

"...Who the hell puts A FREAKING BOTTOMLESS PIT RIGHT THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN? ! ?" He screamed, stomping the ground angrily. "There you have it! Living proof that life-"

Havana was stopped mid-sentence by the car, which had started moving again, as he was rolled over by one of the tires, squishing him into the pavement with a sickening crunch. Twice actually when you consider the back tire going over (He sure as hell did)

"-is a _bitch._" Havana finished, then groaned in agony.

Miki looked away. "This is just too sad... These guys can't even-"

Of course, something had to interrupt her. And in this case, it was Mu, chasing a bunch of cousins and humans with a katamari of his own.

"Muhahaha... This is such a more efficient method of robbing people's souls than simply trying to lure them in one by one... So much more efficient! I will be a happy little demon tonight. Muhahaha!" Mu said, laughing maniacally and chasing both other cousins and some humans.

Miki just shook her head at the rather disturbing nature of Mu. Of course, that was to be expected of him.

She also had the displeasure of witnessing Nik's raid on the Kroger grocery mart (so Miki had to do groceries at Wal-Mart), Marcy's hostile takeover of JC Penny's, Opeo's umpteenth-billionth admittance to the hospital (some crazy incident involving a bear apparently), and June re-enacting the song _'Singing in the Rain'_ over and over and over again. It was _cringe-inducing._

"Dipp is going to be hearing about this," Miki said to herself, "I've had it with his crap. We need Prince back, _BUT..._ He's on vacation. Lovely. Oh well, I guess it's just a bad day..."

She looked at the chaos-filled scene around her once more, then heard an explosion as several jagged pieces of white-hot metal whizzed past her. Some of it found a fleshy target, producing a sudden scream from the hapless victim, and more work for the paramedics.

"My ARM!" One voice screamed.

"My LEG! !" Another yelled.

"My COLON! ! !" Yet another one shouted.

Miki sighed. "...A REAL bad day."

**=====[Back to Present]=====**

Miki chuckled. "Well, that's the news on the grapevine anyway. There's always a chance it was just a bunch of bad coincidences, and everything will be perfect next time."

"Yes yes yes, let's go with that." Dipp said quickly, not really able to handle the bad news. Except the Opeo part. He gets mauled like every other friggin' day of the week.

Beyond was horrified at this failure, but went with Dipp's option of assuming it's just bad luck. "Yeah, okay. It does explain why they're still not here yet. You hear that Peso?" He said, turning to look at where Peso was, but he had his back to him, and when Beyond saw what was on Peso's back he smiled sinisterly, then looked at Dipp.

"Oh, _Dipp~!_" He said, grinning mischievously.

"Eh? What do you want pencil-neck?" Dipp replied sharply.

"Remember that deal we had earlier...?"

"...N-No. Should I?"

Miki cut in to their conversation, "Okay, what's this about?"

"Hmm? Oh yes, me and Dipp had a little wager to see whether or not he'd wait for you."

"You did now? How interesting... So, how did it turn out?"

"Oh, quite well. In my favor anyway."

Dipp was starting to get concerned. "What are you...? We made no such deal!"

"You can't escape from me this time _pal_, so if you want proof, it's in the pudding. Or should I say, on the Peso." Beyond said, and pointed to Peso's back. Scrawled on it was a whole paragraph that said this: _'I, Dipp Cosmo, agree to pay the sum of two-hundred dollars to a Mr. Ray Beyond should I fail to accomplish the feat of waiting until a Ms. Tara Miki returns from a grocery shopping duty. This includes either leaving or threatening to leave. Signed, Dipp Cosmo & Ray Beyond.'_ What's worse is that it was written in PERMANENT INK.

Dipp stared at the scrawled contract in pure shock. "You're screwing with me aren't you? I... I... _Aiaiai..._"

Peso heard the noise behind him, and turned around, only to come face-to-face with Dipp. "_AAH!_" Peso yelled, startled. "_Y-You scared me! _What's with the look?"

Beyond smiled victoriously. "Well now, you signed it, and so did I. Pay up, sucka."

Dipp didn't say a word, he just stood there rigidly, eyes practically bulging in shock. Something in his mind snapped, and he fainted.

"Heheh, poor guy's out of it. Better go about my 'collecting'..."

Searching Dipp's pockets, Beyond found two green 100 dollar bills, and laughed. "The Bank of Beyond appreciates your _'donation'_... Heheheh."

Miki looked at her watch. It was 2:56 PM. "Shoot guys. As much fun as it is to watch Dipp passed out on the ground with you stealing his stash of cash, I have to go do my Yoga thing. See ya! And when the other cousins come back, tell them to shape up or ship out. To Alaska I mean. Or that random Black Hole over there. Whichever works." She said, and flew off.

Beyond nor Peso were really listening. Peso was standing around, confused and looking hopelessly at the unconscious Dipp, while Beyond was thumbing through (in a sense) he newly acquired earnings.

"Heheh, I knew this bet was a slam dun- Hold up a minute... This is _MONOPOLY_ money! That son of a bitch! _He cheated me!_"

* * *

A/N: There. Dipp is a sleazy little bugger isn't he? XD Anyway, things seem to be going bad for everyone. The cousins are in disarray, Dipp owes Beyond 200 bucks, Prince has to endure Huey's company, and soon Princess's (Icky xP), and Miki had to watch June perform _'Singing In The Rain'_ repeatedly. _Brr... The horror... _Anyway, the finale of Episode 1 is next! Be-yond the lookout! (Haha failed pun :P) And PLEASE REVIEW!

Fare thee well!

-gl1m0


	4. Ep 1: Katamari Pilot: 塊パイロット: Part IV

A/N: This is it! The climax We've been waiting for! This should be one amazing finale! Write it well and good! We can't wait to see it! So? What are you doing reading these totally unnecessary Author's Notes? Go and read the Katamari Pilot finale already, and bask in its epicness and glory! When you're done basking, then clean yourself up and please review! I mean, since you're taking the time to read it then you should at least tell me if it's any good or not, right? Right. ;)

* * *

_**THE PRINCE OF KINGS**_

**SEASON 1**

**EPISODE 1: Katamari Pilot (Part IV)**

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* * *

**

_Hel-lo honeybunch! It's Us! The King of All Cosmos! Oh, We are so pleased to be here. The original Narrator-guy is sick you see, so We were kind and generous enough to take his place 'till he gets back. Isn't that just fabulous? Now, what were We supposed to do again... Ah, yes. We were supposed to tell you fine people how things turned out with this little story. But first, let's review it so far, shall We? In the beginning, Our sad excuse of a son Prince decided to leave Us and go on vacation, and left the duty of organizing the katamaris to Dipp, Peso, and Beyond, betterwise known as long-neck, who then made all the other cousins roll those katamaris. Oh, how madly-furious We were when We found out Prince abandoned his duties, but We were so happily-pleased when the cousins didn't fail horribly! So pleased that We almost forgot about Prince's irresponsiblity. Okay, maybe it did slip Our mind completely, but We remembered eventually of course! Wait, where were We? Ah yes, the cousins went and rolled those katamaris so finely, almost as well as Prince usually would, but there were 50 of them! So many stars... Oh, We forgot again where We were going with that. Maybe We should- Oh wait! We'll just skip to the part where the cousins got back from their rolling and stuff. We wondered how they were doing... It seemed like only yesterday... Oh wait. It was yesterday. Our bad._

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"WE FAILED MISERABLY!" Havana yelled, with casts on his arms and legs, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

"I HATE THIS! HATE IT!" Opeo shouted, being carried in a stretcher by some of the healthier cousins, "I HATE BEARS, I HATE BEING MAULED, AND I HATE EVERYBODY ELSE! ARGH!"

"This blows! I can't stand this abuse!" "Where the hell is Prince? We need him!" "Where are my underpants?" "No more rolling stars for me!" "I failed! I... can't believe it! I actually failed! Waah!" "Seriously! Where did my undies go?" "Katamari duty sucks!" "This is terrible! Where's Prince when you need him?" "IS ANYONE EVEN LISTENING TO ME? WHERE THE HELL ARE MY-" "Goddammit Marcy you left them lying right over _there!" _"...Oh."

An army of cousins had returned to the Mushroom Planet, and nearly all of them were either upset or furious. Most had some kind of injury, some could even be mistaken for Opeo. Only a few had a katamari with them, and they weren't very big either. The cousins crowded around Dipp, Peso and Beyond, all complaining and demanding Prince come back to duty. The three tried to calm the angry cousins, with zero results.

At that moment, the King of All Cosmos flew by the Planet, noticing the near-rioting state of the situation. He stood before then yelled _"SIIIIILENCE!" _at the top of his lungs.

Every cousin stopped dead silent, and the ones carrying the stretcher dropped it (prompting Opeo to curse out loud in pain), then they all turned to look at the being ominously standing before them.

"What is the meaning of this?" The King roared, "We demand answers! _Speak!"_

The cousins all took a step back, leaving none but Dipp, Peso, and Beyond standing in front of the King.

"Well?" The King asked impatiently.

Dipp chose to speak up first. "Uhh... Well, you see, the cousins all went to roll katamaris like before... but there were... problems."

Numerous cousins started shouting again. "My katamari got stuck between a coupla buildings!" Havana said, "Then a car hit it, and it went rolling into a hole! But not just a regular hole, it had to be A FREAKING BOTTOMLESS PIT! How retarded is that? And to add injury to insult that same car ran me over _TWICE!"_

"I got mauled by a friggin' _Grizzly Bear!" _Opeo yelled, "What the hell did I do to it? All I did was roll through a salmon-filled stream and then it just randomly attacked me! Come on people, it DISEMBOWELED me! I was in surgery for hours! And I had to get a kidney transplant because the one I already had was turned into ground beef by that thing! THAT'S THE_ SIXTH _ONE THIS MONTH!"

"My katamari was jacked by a McDonalds restaurant!" Nik also shouted, "Then they deep-fried it and turned it into a new Dollar-

Menu item! I mean, sure, I might have given it to them 'cause I was hungry and wanted something deep-fried to snack on, and yeah they gave me a free sample, but still! I had to PAY for something I made myself! I mean sure, it only costed a buck and I got to eat the whole thing afterwards, but still! They-"

"Nik, will you shut the hell up?" June said, facepalming.

The cousins continued bickering and complaining about their problems, until at last, the King had heard enough. "_SILENCE!_ WE MUST HAVE_ SILENCE!" _He boomed.

All cousins with mouths shut them, and turned back to the King, giving him full attention.

"Now then, let Us see here. Ack, this is disappointing. Out of you 50-something cousins, only 4 brought back a katamari? And those ones aren't even that good! *Sigh* We are disappointed with you all."

Dipp hung his head in shame. At this point the best he can hope for is pity. "Uh... Today was just a bad day man! Yeah... Um, tomorrow will be much, much better! Perfect actually!" He said, trying to sound as confident as possible.

The King raised an eyebrow at him. "Hmm? Dipp is so sure about that? You must know that We will accept nothing less than perfection. Otherwise, there will be tough-but-fair punishments in order."

"Uhh... Well..." Dipp said, trying to think up a way out of this rabbit hole he dug himself, but the only exit was guarded by a hunter with a shotgun. Everyone gazed at him expectantly. Dipp had to think of something quick.

That's when he noticed Peso playing the PSP that Beyond loaned him. Of all possible times in this episode he chose now to play it. What a guy. Looking at the screen, Dipp noticed Peso was playing _Me & My Katamari_, and when he saw the total size indicator on the game-screen, he got an idea. The indicator read a little more than 4000 meters, the biggest you can get it in that game.

_4000 meters? That's big! _Dipp thought, _But who can possibly achieve that feat...? Hmm... Oh yes. Of course. He'll just the guy. I don't like it, but it must be done. _

With this idea in mind, Dipp turned back to the King, beaming. "Uncle King dude, I have a proposal for you." He said.

The King looked shocked. "_Whaaaaa? _P-Proposal? We are flattered, but... We are a married King, so it wouldn't work out between-"

"Not that kind of proposal you sicko! Yeck!" Dipp said, disgusted, "I meant a business proposal!"

"Oh, is that all? Phew. You had Us worried for a microsecond there. So, what is it you are 'proposing'?"

"I have a deal for you, if we can roll a katamari over 4000 meters wide - I'm not kidding- then will you forgive us all? Or at least forgive me? Preferably me?"

"Hmm... We see now. An interesting 'proposal', as it has been years since we had one that size... Make it 5000 and We have a deal."

"Done! Pleasure doing _'business' _with you sir, heh."

"Wonderful, wonderful... But, if We may ask, who will roll such a big katamari?"

"Simple! You know him, everyone loves the guy! And he's been around since the beginning, too! His name also begins with a 'P'. Any guessers?"

An approving murmur was heard throughout the crowd of cousins. The name 'Prince' was heard being whispered amongst themselves, sure this was who Dipp was talking about.

"Yes folks, it's the only one of us who can do this..." Dipp said, and he walked over to someone's side and placed a hand on his shoulder, "...And he's right here! Peso!"

Everyone immediately stopped talking, and an intense silence gripped the air. Everyone, including the King, had their mouths dropped wide open in pure shock. Not a single word was uttered for at least two minutes.

Dipp looked around curiously. "What? Something I said?"

No one answered him. They continued to stare at both Dipp and Peso with widened eyes. Surprisingly, Peso never noticed anyone watching him, as his eyes were glued to the PSP screen he was playing. When he finally chose to look up, curious as to why everything went silent, Peso saw everyone gaping at him, and with Dipp standing next to him too, his hand on Peso's shoulder.

"W-Why are you all looking at me like that?" Peso asked, disturbed as to the large number of eyes staring at him in pure shock.

Again, no one answered, but after another minute Beyond finally chose to speak up. "...Dipp? Why... the... why did... you pick... Peso?" He said slowly, stammering a bit.

Dipp shrugged. "Hey, he's got the skills! And besides, Prince officially left katamari duty to him, so..."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Peso protested, "What are you even talking about?"

"Oh, you didn't get my voice memo? You're gonna go roll us a 5000 meter katamari! Isn't that _greeeeat?" _Dipp said, emphasizing the 'great' and winking at him.

Peso nearly dropped the PSP. "You made me _WHAT? ! _There's no way I-_Mmmm!" _Peso tried to protest, but Dipp was quick to put a hand over his mouth to shut him up.

"What's that Peso?" Dipp said, pretending like nothing was wrong, "You say you'll do it?"

"_MMMMM! _MMMM! Mmmm, mmm_... MMM!" _Peso said, his voice muffled by Dipp's hand, so no one really understood what he was saying.

"What's that? You will? _Great!" _Dipp said, twisting Peso's barely legible talk, then he turned to everyone else. "See? He's game!"

The King put a hand on his chin and contemplated. "Hmmm... Fine then. We will accept it. You have until Earth sundown to roll it. If it's not done by then... You will know what will happen to you, yes?"

Dipp nodded, and gulped. "Yes sir, I swear, he'll finish that katamari! No joke! Eheh..."

"Fabulous. We will return to Our Queen at the Royal Castle then. Don't you dare disappoint Us!" The King said, then flew off across the Cosmos.

After he was gone, Dipp finally removed his hand from Peso's mouth. "_Gasp!_ Need... breathe... Huff..." Peso said, gasping for air, "Phew... WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO? !"

"Whoa whoa chill! It's not that bad!" Dipp said reassuringly.

"NOT THAT BAD? IT'S A _NIGHTMARE! _YOU LITTLE PIECE OF-!" Peso yelled, and grabbed Dipp by the neck and started strangling him.

"_Huuueek!_ Get... your hands... off... my goddamn... neck...!" Dipp gasped, struggling to break free.

"NEVER! I'M GONNA_ KILL _YOU, YOU GAUDY LITTLE SHOW-OFF!" Peso screamed, surprisingly furious. No one had ever seen him this mad before.

"Ah, for crap's sake..." Beyond said, sighing, "Nickel? Will you please?"

The metallic cousin sighed and proceeded to ram into both Dipp and Peso, knocking both of them down. Unfortunately, this didn't stop Peso's rage, so he had to be restrained by at least three cousins.

Dipp staggered away, trying to take some deep breaths. "Holy crap..." He said, "Peso's a lunatic... Maybe that wasn't a good idea..."

Many cousins rolled their eyes at this, and watched as Peso tried to break the hold of his cousins. "LET ME GO! I ONLY WANT TO KILL HIM! I JUST WANT TO KILL HIM A LITTLE BIT!" He yelled.

"Mother of God... This boy needs help." Beyond said, grabbing ahold of Peso's arm and holding him back.

At least thirty minutes passed until Peso began to calm down, and it was safe to let him go. Dipp finally chose to try and talk some sense into Peso, at the risk of setting off another rampage.

"Come on Peso! You can do this! You roll it that big on that game, so you should be able to do it!" He said.

Peso glared at Dipp. "Yeah, in the GAME, maybe, but this is real life Dipphead! I can't roll something like that!"

"Don't be all hypocritical on yourself buddy! It's totally do-able!"

"Well... How many of you have rolled one that big? 5000 meters or whatever?"

Most of the cousins said nothing. Some merely grumbled. None of them had ever made a katamari that huge. Only the Prince had done that. And it was gargantuous, at over 4000 meters across and weighing in millions of tonnes.

"I thought so. Ugh... I'm hopeless..." Peso said, then buried his face in his hands, defeated. But Dipp refused to back down.

"What the hell is wrong with you Peso? Look at yourself! One minute you try to kill me, the next you sit here wallowing in self-pity! Get ahold of yourself man!" He shouted, and slapped Peso across the face. Hard.

Peso reeled from the sudden strike, and snapped out of his hopelessness. "W-What? Where am I?" He said, confused.

Dipp facepalmed. "I just told you! You have to roll a 5000 meter katamari or the King is gonna give us all the axe!"

"_Whaaaaat? _Oh my garsh, that's awful! Waaah! I don't wanna get chopped in half! I gotta get going!" Peso shouted, distressed.

"...Wait what?"

"I have to go I have to go I have to go!"

With that, Peso began flying at mach speed towards Earth, leaving the cousins behind in a cloud of dust. No one said anything for a minute.

"...What the hell just happened?" Dipp said at last, "Peso all of a sudden goes to do the katamari thing? After all that crap he gave us? Seriously, WHAT THE FU-"

_"DIPP!"_ Beyond yelled, interrupting Dipp's sentence, "Watch your mouth! Don't give the FCC a good excuse to cancel us! We're a T-rated show for God's sake!"

"A what now? You ARE insane. Feh, FCC... T-rated show... What a joke. Heheh... Anyway, never mind that. Let's just go down to the Earth before anything else totally weird happens, shall we?"

Before everyone could leave, a spaceship landed on the Mushroom Planet. The side hatch opened up, and a small orange alien with three eyes exited, surveying the area in apparent confusion.

_**"$#% %# %$&%? &$ )!& $(&#. **_(What in blarg am I standing on? This is not Earth.)" It said, then pulled out a book that read _'Space-Travel for Dummies, Kings, and Aliens: Second Edition' _.

_**"...$%^ #$! $%&%^... **_(I was sure I took that right turn at the Andromeda galaxy...)"

Dipp stared at the being, wide-eyed. "...I have no idea what the hell it's saying, but I don't care. Just ignore it and it will go away... It'll go away... It'll go away... Just ignore it... Ignore it..." He said, then turned way and flew for Earth, the rest of the cousins following, leaving the misguided Space-traveller to find its way alone.

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_Some random household on Earth..._

Every cousin assembled on the couch, and were watching Peso with the katamari, starting at a mere 5 centimeters.

"I would've bargained for a bigger one to start but... I'm not the negotiating type." Dipp said, shrugging. "I take whatever I can get. Hey, that's life."

Peso sighed heavily, and grabbed a hold of the katamari in front of him, shaking with fear quite noticibly.

A few of the spectating cousins started murmuring amongst themselves. "I really can't trust him with this. If I get another hit or two by the King I'll probably fall apart..." Opeo whined.

"Like you weren't falling apart to begin with!" Marcy retorted, snickering.

Ace started laughing madly. "Oh, he got you good Opeo! He got you_ REAL _good!"

"Shut up!" Opeo yelled back, "I would smack you with my crutch if I didn't need them to stay standing!"

"Which you do ALL the time! Hah!"

"But I can still do... THIS!" Opeo said, smiling devilishly, and swung the crutch so that it tripped both Marcy and Ace at the same time, sending them falling off the couch to the hard wooden floor with a loud _THUD!_

"Yeeoowch!" "Aaaargh! Opeo, you're an ASS!"

Opeo starting laughing victoriously. "YES! Just YES! I _FINALLY_ got back at you! After all these years! Payback's a bitch isn't it? HAHAHA_-*Crack!*-_YEEOWCH!"

Opeo suddenly folded in on himself, then groaned in agony while lying on the ground in a heap. "...Crap... That was my last vertebrae..._ Oww..."_

Dipp looked at the collapsed cousin with contempt. "You amaze me every day Opeo. Really."

"...Shut up and call me an ambulance. _Aaargh..."_

Peso tried to ignore the scene on the couch, and attempted to put some effort into focusing on the task before him. _I gotta focus... gotta focus... gotta focus... focus... focus... fo... I wonder what's on television later... _He thought.

As if Beyond just read Peso's mind, he facepalmed. "He'll never do this. I may as well go and buy some padding so the punishment slides by easier."

The cousins sat by mournfully, most with their faces covered by their hands in shame. Though this was clearly not the time, Dipp straddled over to Slip, a paper-thin cousin, and struck up a conversation.

"Yo, Slip." Dipp said, "What's the skinny? Heh."

Slip sighed. "Always the thin jokes with you. What do you want you star-spangled... thing?"

"Don't be such a lightweight! Heh. I just wanted to ask you something."

"Great. What is it? And sorry if I don't pay attention, your outfit is so blinding I simply have to turn away."

"Egh. Just listen. Have you ever been carried off by the wind one too many times?"

"Duh, of course I have. What, why?"

"I think I may have a solution for that, if you're interested of course..."

"Okay, you snagged my attention. What is it?"

"...I probably shouldn't tell you..."

"Damn it man, just tell me! What is it?"

"Simple... All you have you have to do is..."

"Yes? Yes? _YES?"_

"It's easy... just..."

"OUT WITH IT MAN!"

"Just... EAT A SANDWICH, SKINNY! _AHAHAHAHAHA!" _

Slip's look of excitement slowly faded as Dipp laughed like a madman. "...I hate you." He said slowly.

"YOU TOTALLY FELL FOR THAT! AHAHAHA, SLIP, YOU'RE SUCH A SUCKER! HAHAHAHA!" Dipp shouted, laughing on and on.

Slip said nothing. Rather, he raised his paper-like arm and slashed Dipp's arm with it, giving him one heck of a paper cut.

"_OOOOOUCH! _You BASTARD! That really hurts! _Ack! _Paper cuts are the worst! Damn it all to hell!" Dipp yelled, clutching the slashed skin while groaning.

"Victory is mine." Slip said, smiling, and then a passing breeze carried him off into the air and away from the group.

Dipp scowled. "Good jokes are wasted on the jerks. _Oww..." _He moaned, nursing his cut.

Finally, Peso was ready. He gripped the katamari tightly as everyone watched on with excitement (and dread). Most covered their eyes, hoping it would be over with soon. Peso gave the katamari a push, causing it to begin to roll forward. Everyone held their breath. The katamari rolled forward, Peso steadily pushing it. Slowly at first, but it soon picked up speed. At last, he rolled over his first item, a crayon.

Peso was ecstatic. "I'm... doing it! I'm actually doing it! I'm rolling a katamari_ IRL!" _

"W - T - F?" Signolo said, amazed Peso was actually able to roll the katamari without failing the on first two steps.

"IRL? WTF? What the hell are they saying?" Dipp said, confused.

Beyond sighed. "It's text talk. IRL means _'In Real Life'_, and WTF means_ 'What The F-'"_

"Yeah, I get the picture, thanks." Dipp replied, then a thought struck him. "...Wait, you almost said the F-word! Oh my god! You actually nearly said that, after you told me already not to say it because of some FCC and T-rated stuff! Oh, the irony is delicious indeed."

"Errr... I said no such thing?" Beyond said rather unconvicingly.

Dipp shook his head, snickering. "Don't even try, buddy. Don't even try."

Beyond groaned, having eaten his own words with a sprinkle of irony.

Peso, meanwhile, was actually doing well with the katamari. Rolling it to and fro, here and there, Peso rolled the katamari's size to about 9 centimeters.

"I'm winning! I'm winning!" Peso chanted, then started singing a few bars from Katamari on the Rocks. _"Naaaaa, na-na-na-nana, na na, the Katamari Damacy~!"_

Peso kept on rollin' and singin' until he was suddenly cut off... by tripping over a tiny knot in the carpet.

_"Oooof!"_ He grunted as he fell facedown onto the floor, with his katamari rolling away. Every cousin fell over at once in embarassment, then stood back up, Peso lying on the floor, whining.

Dipp stomped the ground with his foot in anger. He had enough of this.

"That's it, I can't let this charade go on any longer, we need Prince!" He said, "The fate of our asses is better off in his hands than that retard Peso's!"

Ace snorted. "Whatever. Princey probably won't even listen to you. He's way too stubborn to come back anyway."

"Oh?" Dipp shot back, "He's the only chance we got. Or would you rather have the King spank your pointed butt so hard he'll make it flat again?"

Ace suddenly looked terrified and grabbed his rear-end nervously. "N-No..." He said timidly.

"That's what I thought. Now if you'll excuse me..." Dipp turned to Beyond, "...So long-neck? You hold the fort while I try to find Prince, okay?"

Beyond looked at him curiously. "You're going to give up on Peso and call in Prince - who's still on vacation I might add - just because you're too impatient to give the poor sap a chance?"

"I'm not giving up on him, I just wanna help him out!"

"Since when have you ever helped anyone?"

"...Shut up. I'm just gonna go now, so I don't have to hear your nagging in my ear anymore."

"I don't nag. That's what girls are for."

"My point exactly."

"Wait... what? Are you insisting I act like a girl?"

"Insisting? I know you do. Hell, you probably are one!"

"You little _bastard! _I oughta-"

"Hold up Nerd-leroy, there are ladies in our vicinity..."

"...I hate you. So. Very. Much."

"Heh, I know you do. That's why it's funny!"

"I will kill you in your sleep you little..."

"Slow down Jason Voorhees, I was just kidding!"

"The hell you were!"

"Ack, I've had enough of this crap. Auf wiedersien and sayonara! ...Girl."

Before Beyond could yell at Dipp further, the star-clad cousin flew off towards the resort Prince was currently staying at, hoping to try and convince him to help Peso. Knowing Prince, Dipp probably won't succeed... Of course, he didn't count on Princess.

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_The Relax-Nation Resort's Five-Star beach..._

When Prince decided he was done with the links, mainly because of Huey's annoyance, he went to the resort's beautiful white-sanded beach with Princess, who recently arrived and decided to join Prince on his vacation. The couple lay on the sand, shaded by a nicely-placed umbrella. While they were relaxing, Huey was... getting to know the locals. Locals as in 'Seagulls'.

"Whee! This is so much fun!" Huey squealed as he was being chased around by about four seagulls, squawking and cawing the whole time. "You'll never catch me! Heehee!"

Prince sighed, and adjusted his sunglasses. "I still think we should've sent Huey home, Princess..." He said.

"Oh, that's quite alright dear," Princess replied, smiling cutely, "I think that cousin Huey is rather funny, if I may say that."

"You may. Huey has his quirks..." said Prince, then looked at Huey's little game of tag with the gulls. "...But it can be hard to figure out what they are."

"Haha! You'll never- Oop!" Huey said, now finally caught in the bird's beak.

"Eat him, eat him, eat him, eat him, eat him," Prince mumbled repeatedly.

"What was that?" Princess asked, casting a curious look at Prince.

Prince shook his head. "Nothing dear, just enjoying Huey's little game."

"Really? Aww, that's so- Oh my lord!"

Huey was suddenly gulped down by the seagull, prompting Prince to whisper "Yes!" to himself.

"Hey! Cut it out! That tickles!" Huey squealed as he was swallowed whole, "Ooh! It's all slimy in here! Wow, what's that thing? And that? It's really dark in here! Eeeck, what's this I'm stepping in? It smells like fish! I love fish!" The seagull called out a few times then flew off, along with the three others.

Prince groaned and held his stomach in disgust. "Huey had to come through with the color-commentary..." He said, gagging, "Princess? Are you okay?"

Princess did not look okay. In fact, she looked a little pale. "...That's... so... repulsive... _ewwww..." _She said softly.

"I'll take that as a no. Just look away dear, it's all just a... something." Prince said, sighing.

She did just that, but saw something in the distance at the same time. "...I say? Someone's coming!"

Prince looked confused. "...Who? Another cousin? I'm not expecting any more visitors..."

"It's... Oh, who was it again..." Princess said, trying to remember.

_"Priiiiince!" _A voice rang out.

"...Somehow, I don't like the sound of that voice." Prince said, removing his sunglasses.

"PRINCE! PRINCE OF ALL COSMOS! IT'S _ME!" _The voice yelled again.

Prince suddenly realized who it was, and facepalmed. "No... Not him... What's wrong now...?"

"Can't ya hear me cuz? It's me! _Dipp Cosmo! _The grooviest guy in the night sky! Hey another rhyme..."

"That's certainly a topic for debate." Prince said to himself, chuckling weakly.

The gaudy-clothed cousin landed on the beach and rushed over to the couple, panting heavily.

"_Pant... pant... _I... _huff... _have something... _pant pant... _to say..._ huff... _to you... _harff..." _Dipp said, gasping for air.

Prince sighed and shook his head, still covering his face with his hands. "Dipp... why the hell- Er, I mean -Why the heck are you here? Can't you see we're-"

"I know... _Hoof... _But I... have important... stuff saying... _Pant..."_

"Read my lips. I. Don't. Care. Leave us alone, please, so we can actually get the time off we deserve."

"But Prince! _Huff... _It's ridiculously important! _Harff... _And- Oh, hi Lalala."

Cousin Lalala was sunning himself nearby holding a tanning mirror, sporting a wicked dark tan to boot. "Hey guys!" He said, waving to the three, then returned to his daily sunbathing.

"Ooookay... Why did we not see that guy before...? Err, anyway, I don't have time for this. Come back in... oh, I dunno, a few MONTHS."

Princess stepped forward between Prince and Dipp. "Come now dear Prince, won't you listen to this gentleman Dipp's story?" She said.

Dipp eyes started to sparkle. "You... remembered my name... and called me a gentleman! _Heeheehee..."_

"*Sigh*... Fine. What is it Dipp? And be brief, I have a luncheon in a half-hour."

"Okay... you see... the katamari operation sorta... failed. Okay, fine, we all failed horribly. Worthy of a note on FailBlog, actually."

"...You what? Nrgh... I _KNEW_ this would happen... So, what'd the King say?"

"Oh, not much. Except he would give us all such a hard punishment that we would have to get a life-transplant. Sad story, really."

"Oh, you simply must tell me sometime. So, I'm assuming you want me to bail you out for the umpteenth time?"

"Well, not really me. See, I made a deal with the King."

"Hold up, there dude. Making a deal with the King is not much different than making a deal with the Devil. What did you agree on, out of curiousity?"

"Well, I said we'd roll him a 5000 meter katamari-"

"A _WHAT? _Holy crap! I haven't made one that big in years! You're asking ME to do it for you just so-"

"Actually... I got Peso to do it..."

"Again, _WHAT? _Are you high right now? You got my lady's brother - who's as bright as a clump of mud - to roll a ball of crap that huge?"

"...Yeah. But what choice did I have? I can't do that, neither can many other cousins-"

"Then how the hell did you jump to the conclusion of _PESO_ making that thing? Is he doing it right now?"

"Uhh, yeah. He started with a 5 centimeter katamari and rolled it up to just 9... then tripped over a carpet knot and started crying."

"...Sad."

"Yeah... So, won't you do it? For Peso's sake?"

"Absolutely..._ NOT!"_

"_W-What? _After all I did trying to convince you that-"

"Shut up! You brought this whole mess on yourself! It was your idea to make every single cousin roll a katamari at once - that's right, I know what you've been doing, Princess here told me everything - and you're not supposed to do that! It's just _BEGGING_ for trouble to come a-knockin'!"

"P-Prince... I..."

"Just get out of here! I never wanna see your luminously-lumpy self around here anymore! Go on, _git!"_

"But... Agh... I just wanted... Ohhh, fine." Dipp said, then slowly turned away and began walking, his head hung in shame.

"Good riddance, you _bastard!" _Prince yelled at him furiously, then lied back down on the sand, replacing his sunglasses.

Princess stared at Prince in complete shock. "_P-Prince...! _How... could you? Dipp was asking you to help my dear brother Peso with his conundrum... and you just... practically spit in his face!" She shouted angrily.

"Dear... Please listen... Dipp and all them brashly decided to gamble, and as they say: "When you gamble, you eventually lose." I'm just mad that Dipp and Beyond... well, mostly Dipp, stole power away from Peso when I told him to look after the katamari thing. I never asked Dipp or Beyond to do that! That pisses me off that they would stab me in the back like that, the traitors..."

"Honestly Prince, listen to yourself! Peso can't do the katamari operation on his own. Dipp and Sir Beyond were kind and generous enough to help my brother when he needed it most! How can you bad-mouth your own cousins - and best friends - when they were so willing to help? And now, they need you more than ever! And so does Peso!"

"*Sigh*... I really don't..."

"Dear! You are going to help me brother, right _NOW!" _

"Okay okay... Holy Jebus... You scare me when you get mad like that..."

"Now then, apologize to your cousin Dipp this instant!"

"..._Lord give me strength... _H-Hey, Dipp...?"

Dipp stopped walking away, and slowly turned around. "What the hell do you want?" He snapped.

"Touchy I see... Well, I guess I'm... umm... Wow, this is awkward... I..." Prince tried to work up an apology, but it was surprisingly hard to do. He mulled it over for a minute, Dipp and Princess giving him impatient looks.

"I... I'm... Holy crap how do I say this... Um... I'm... _sorry?"_

Dipp scoffed. "Sorry, didn't hear ya."

Prince sighed with exasperation. "Okay fine! _Sheesh... _I'm... sorry, okay? There, I said it. I'm sorry for telling you off, and calling you a bast- I mean,_ that _word."

Dipp looked at Prince blankly. "...And?"

"Nrgh... And yeah... I'll help you guys out... with that 5000 meter kata-thingamajig-something-or-other-mari, okay?"

"...Well now. Was that so hard?" Dipp said, smiling victoriously.

Prince glanced in Princess's direction and muttered, "Yes."

"Heh, of course it was. You ready to come on then? Your duties await,_ 'captain'."_

"Don't hold your breath. Just 'cause I'm helping you doesn't mean I coming back to katamari duty. Just keep that in mind, okay?"

"*Sigh*... Yeah, fine."

"Brilliant, I'm only two days into my vacation, I got like, three weeks left."

"...We'll be dead by the ninth hour..."

"Still with the dark humor, eh? Well, I suppose we should-"

"YEEEE-HAW! RIDE 'EM GULLY!"

"What the hell?"

The three turned to the source of the noise, and, much to Prince's dread, it was Huey. Somehow he escaped from the bird's belly, and was RIDING on the same seagull! And he even had the three other seagulls in tow!

"_HUEY? !" _Prince shouted in disbelief, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU- AND HOW DID YOU- What's going on? ! ?"

Huey just smiled and waved. "_Hiiii_ Prince! _Hiiii _Princess!_ Hiiii _Dipp!" He shouted happily, landing the quartet of seagulls on the beach near them, "I had the best time ever! I was playing tag with all the birdies, and oh wow it was so much fun! One of the birdies ate me though, and_ eeeeew _it was weird and kinda icky, but then I escaped through it's-"

"Skip that part please," Prince interrupted, gagging.

"Oh, okay. Anyway, I tamed these seagulls, rounded 'em up like a cowboy, and even named them!" Huey said, and patted the seagull on its head with affection. "This one's name is Rainbow, and the others are Sugar, Chippy, and Joe!"

"Joe?" Dipp said confusedly, wondering why Peso would ever pick that name for a bird.

"Those are the most retarded names I've ever had the displeasure of knowing." Prince said bluntly.

_"A-HEM." _A voice nearby interrupted. Turning, they saw four random humans, each with nametags that read_ 'Rainbow'_, _'Sugar'_, _'Chippy'_, and_ 'Joe'. _They were all giving Prince a rather nasty glare.

"Errr... Sorry. I... didn't know," Prince apologized, then returned to the matter at hand. "So Huey, how exactly is this supposed to help? What good will a bunch of dumb birds do?"

"They're aren't dumb!" Huey said defensively, "They can fly really fast! And they can go wherever you tell them to! Aren't they _great?"_

Prince sighed and shook his head. "Huey... I know that you have a tendancy to _'try'_... But I really don't-"

"My Prince! Come and look at these wonderful beasts!" Princess said, having rushed over to the seagull named Sugar and began petting it. "It's so cute! I want to ride it!"

Prince tried to protest. "Dear... We shouldn't-"

"Come on then!" Princess insisted. "You can have Chippy!"

"*Groan*... It's gonna be one of those days..." Prince said lowly, then hopped aboard Chippy while Princess took Sugar.

Dipp looked on with a defiant look on his face. "No way in hell am I-"

"Hey hey Dipp!" Huey cut in, "Go ahead and ride it! It's_ waaaaaaaay _faster then flying ourselves!"

Dipp groaned, then hesistantly got up onto the last remaining seagull. "_Okaaaay... _Let's go... Joe." He said, then the foursome took to the skies, and began their flight back to the household, where things were going from bad, to worse...

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_Back at the household..._

"Come on you stupid... ball! Roll that coin up! Come on!" Peso said angrily, trying again and again to roll up a coin on the floor that was giving him some trouble.

Beyond, still on the couch with the other cousins, sighed. "You can't pick it up yet! Just move on already!" He called out to Peso.

"I should! The katamaki or whatever is like, twice as big as it!" Peso yelled back in protest.

"This is real life, dude! Those coins are too heavy and tricky to remove. Ever try to pick a quarter off the sidewalk? It's just like that!"

"Ohhh... Fine... how about... Ooh! A thumbtack!" Peso said, and rolled over a corkboard with a dozen of the tiny pins stuck into it. When he rolled over them, the katamari easily pulled them onto it, but that introduced a new problem.

"_YEEOWCH!" _Peso squealed, jumping back from the katamari now covered with the lot of them. "_Owowowowow... _That hurts! I'm never rolling up thumbtacks again!"

"Dear lord in heaven, please look down in pity upon the one named Peso before us today..." Beyond said, shaking his head, "Come on Dipp, where the hell are you?"

Things looked pretty hopeless at this point. If this continued, the King would bake them all on a spit - followed by a flambe and then a good deep-frying. Whichever way you put it, they would be screwed.

At least until they came back, right after Beyond shouted out, "Dipp, where the hell are you?"

"Did someone say my name?" A familiar voice said.

Stunned, Beyond looked around anxiously. "Yeah! Where were you? What what on?" He asked, still trying to find where the voice was coming from.

"Where was I? Finding Prince. What went on? I succeeded."

"You were- Wait... you what?"

"Do I need to say it twice? We're back in biz baby!"

Right then, a formation of four seagulls soared in through the window, with Dipp, Huey, Prince, and Princess each riding one. "Miss us?" Dipp said, circling the air above the crowd of cousins. Upon seeing Prince's return, the cousins all broke into applause. Finally, someone they could trust with their asses has arrived.

"PRINCE!" "YEA PRINCE!" "YOU'RE BACK! MAH PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!" "I'M NOT GONNA BE ASS-FLATTENED NOW!" "HOORAY FOR DA PRINCE!" "YEAH PRINCE!" "PRINCEY A GO GO!" "YEAH TOAST!" "...Wait what?"

The cousins kept on cheering randomly as Prince jumped down from his seagull to the floor, then ran over to Peso and pushed him aside. "Move over cousin," He said, "Time to show ya how a_ real _Prince does it!"

"Uhh," was all Peso could say before Prince took the katamari and began pushing it around the house, going _thrice_ as fast as Peso was.

"Whoa!" A bunch of cousins said out loud, amazed at Prince's speed.

Prince focused mostly on rolling the katamari around, but still managed to grin smugly. "Naturally. I'm a pro at this kids! Remember, don't try this at home! ...Oops, guess I was late in saying that! Hahaha..."

A few cousins rolled their eyes and re-focused on Prince, already at 20-something centimeters and was leaving the house. "More stuff out there than in here! Later!" Prince said, dashing out into the street.

Dipp, Peso, and Beyond looked at each other, and shrugged. Peso and Beyond followed on foot, while Dipp and Princess followed by air. Huey stayed behind, more interested in doing aerial tricks with Rainbow and Chippy. Because of this, most other cousins became distracted and instead chose to watch the little 'show' Huey was putting on.

Strangely enough, this was intended. Prince told Huey to distract the other cousins by any means neccessary, since Prince didn't really want any extra attention. It worked pretty spectacularly, to say the least.

Marcy watched this demonstration with a bit of contempt. "Feh. He's so showy. I mean, those birds aren't even decent-looking. I've never seen more pale and bleck things in my life." He said, scoffing noticibly at the birds.

Both seagulls seemed to take offence at this, and one of them divebombed Marcy, covering him in bird... leavings.

_**SPLAT!**_

Marcy, now completely covered in the whitish-paste, didn't move at all. He stood rigidly as the other cousins either were staring in shock or ralphing in a paper bag.

"...I hate birds. I really, really, hate birds." Marcy said slowly, twitching.

Ace started bursting out with laughter, slapping his leg. "AHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S-! YES! JUST YES! YOU WERE SO_ OWNED! _YOU'RE COVERED IN BIRD CRAP! AHAHAHAHA! THAT'S BEAUTIFUL! IT'S JUST SO_ FUNNY! '_CAUSE A DUMB, STUPID BIRD-"

_**SPLAT!**_

"...Crapped on you." Ace finished, coated in the foul-smelling substance.

Marcy visibly smiled from under the layer of poop. "Suddenly I actually feel better. Thanks for cheering me up, Ace old boy."

"...Go suck it."

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_Meanwhile, outside the house..._

Prince rolled the ball of junk out into the street, swerving in and around the numerous obstacles. He was followed by Dipp, Peso, Beyond, and Princess, cheering him onward to the goal size, the katamari now over 53 centimeters big.

Suddenly, Prince skidded to a halt, and startled mumbling to himself. Before the others could even ask what was the matter, Prince turned to them and started talking.

"...You know what? I'm missing something here!" He said matter-of-factly.

Dipp gave him a quizzical look. "What? We have the katamari, the loyal friends cheering ya on, the loads of stuff to roll up... what could be missing?"

"Why... something with a little..._ pizazz _maybe..."

"_P-Pizazz? _You mean like-?"

"I do mean like. Go on then."

Dipp squealed with excitement and pulled a boombox (of all things) out of his _'magic' _pockets, then flipped it on. The song _'Katamari on the Swing' _began blaring from the speakers, prompting Dipp to do a little dance. "_Yeah baby! _This is what I'm talkin' about!"

"Alright!" Prince said, moving in tune to the song, "Now this I can _roll_ to!"

"That's what she said!_ Whoo!" _Havana suddenly yelled, having followed them all this far through the streets.

Prince facepalmed. "Havana, why the_ hell _have you followed us this far?"

"Huh? I dunno. Guess I was just bored."

"Argh, fine. If you_ have _to follow us, then just shut up for five minutes, will ya?"

"Uh, yeah, roger that sir. I mean cuz. I mean Prince. I mean-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!" Dipp yelled, "I'M TRYING TO LISTEN TO THE SONG!"

"...Hard-ass."

Once that mess was out of the way, Prince continued on his katamari rolling. Climbing from centimeters to meters, and beginning to roll up people, cars, trees, then houses, until the katamari was 48 meters wide.

"Holy crapsauce..." Dipp said with astonishment, "This is getting _huge!_ How much further?"

"Hmm, let's see," Beyond said, pulling a calculator from his pocket, "If we're at 48 meters... The King asked for 5000... we're barely a one-fiftieth of the final size... _you do the goddamn math!" _He threw the calculator off the side of the bird he was now riding with Dipp (Peso was riding on the other bird with Princess), landing on the katamari (adding a total of 0.3 centimeters to it's total size).

"Geez, don't be so harsh, I know we're so far away still... I'm just getting tired is all."

"Oh, that's nice. Now try to stay awake piloting this bird or you'll be more than just tired."

"...How dark."

Two minutes later, the Prince was rolling up whole skyscrapers, the katamari swelling to 200 meters. Then it rolled out off the land and began rolling up islands and distant cities. Another two minutes later it was over 600 meters. Then 800. then 1000. Then_ 2000_. The goal was getting closer and closer, but time was running out, as the sun began to set in the distance.

_"Oh no!" _Dipp shouted, "We're almost out of time! The King's gonna be here soon! Oh _crap, _if Prince doesn't hurry up, the King will have our asses on a platter! _Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap-"_

_"Guys~!" _A voice sounded out, and the enormous katamari grinded to a halt.

Dipp, Beyond, Peso, and Princess looked slightly confused. "What's going on?" Peso asked, and the four, still flying on their seagull mounts, flew down to see Prince at the base of the katamari. When they arrived, dismounting their birds, they found that Prince was exhausted, the 5-mile katamari next to him in a nearly-ridiculous contrast.

"...So? What's the word cuz?" Dipp asked, and waited for Prince's response. He had to wait a minute for Prince to catch his breath, but his answer made the wait worth it. "It's done."

At long last, the katamari, which started as a miniscule 5 centimeters, has finally grown to over 5000 meters. Whole islands, cities, clouds, and even rainbows were stuck to it. A gigantic size, to be sure. And it was not a moment too soon.

_"Soooooo~ _It seems that you _DID_ make that katamari for Us after all." A powerful voice boomed.

Surprised, the group turned their gaze skyward, where the King of All Cosmos had appeared. "D-Dad!" Prince sputtered nervously, "I... Uh..."

"Be _silent!_ We do not have any business with you, Prince." The King said harshly, "Where is Peso? We were under an impression that he would be rolling the katamari."

Peso pushed his way to the front of the group. "I-I'm right h-here, Sir K-King!" He said, stuttering.

"Ah, lovely. You have done well in rolling this katamari Peso. We actually had much doubting of you. We actually were sharpening Our mace minutes ago in preparation for your punishment! You should be happy that it was not necessary."

Dipp and Beyond sighed with relief. "Thank God that's over-" Dipp started to say, but Peso continued speaking.

"Well, actually I started the katamari at 5 cm to 9 cm, then Prince did the rest of it so I shouldn't get all the cred-_hueeek!" _Peso said, suddenly being strangled by Dipp who was whispering _"Shut the hell up!" _in his ear.

Thankfully, the King didn't hear this, and proceeded to pick up the massive katamari. "Now then, let us evaluate this... Hmm, We see, We see... Aha! Eureka! We have concluded Our examination!"

"Umm... Great!" Dipp said, still holding Peso by the neck, "How'd it go?"

"We bestow a score of... _120 points! Whoooosh! Fabulous! _Peso has truly outdone himself!"

Peso's eyes began to sparkle. "R-Really?" He said, forgetting it was Prince who actually rolled the katamari, "I'm... really that great?"

Prince scowled at this. "Of course. I can't do any better than Peso. You don't need me then!" He said, then began walking away.

"Halt, Prince!" The King suddenly roared, "We need a word with you!"

"*Sigh*... What do you want now?"

"We were thinking... This new system is pretty okay good, but... We miss the old way of doing things. Won't you please come back to duty?"

"Hmm... Let me think... uh... _NO!" _

"We thought you might say that, so We picked you up a little something..."

The King held out an outstretched hand so that Prince could see. In it, was a _Royal Present_. Prince was stunned.

"A _p-present? _But it's not even my birthday!"

"Who cares? Not Us. And neither should you. If you agree to come back to Us, then you will recieve it without penalty and We will forgive you for your stupidity and arrogance."

"...You could've left out that last part... but..." Prince eyed the present enviously, "I would love to have that... but maybe- Wait... Is this some kind of trick?"

"No tricks up Our sleeve, We assure you. Won't you please?"

"I... really... don't think I should..."

"Hmm? In that case, we will give it to Marcy. Ooh, or maybe Ace-"

"Okay okay fine! I'll take it! I'll come back! But only because Ace _totally_ doesn't deserve a present like that! I'm not doing it for you, _Mr. King of All Fatheads!"_

"...We will ignore that last statement. Now, here is your gift. Take it and be prosperous."

The King tossed the present down to Prince, and at the same time threw the 5000 meter katamari into the now-evening sky, becoming a bright, bright star that made every other look like low-watt bulbs compared to flood lights._ "Aaahhhh... So pretty..." _The King said, admiring the new star, then he vanished as quickly as he arrived.

Dipp, Peso, Beyond, and Princess strolled over to Prince, now furiously unwrapping the present.

"Ehh, sorry you never got credit for that katamari cuz." Dipp said apologetically, "If we can do anything to make it up to you..."

Prince paid no attention to him, as he was busy ripping the wrapper from the gift. Finally, the wrapper was torn of and the lid of the box lifted off. When Prince saw what was inside his heart stopped.

It was another, fresh katamari. 5 cm big, and bright green in color.

Prince was stunned. He stood there looking at his _'gift', _not saying a word. His eyes were twitching noticibly.

"Uhh... Heheh... Well, on the bright side, it's your color!" said Dipp, attempting to brighten the situation, but it did not help. At all.

_"That... big... goddamn... buffoon..." _Prince said quietly, barely moving his mouth when he spoke.

Dipp and the others looked at Prince with growing concern. "...Prince? Cousin? Buddy-ol'-pal? Are you feeling okay?"

Prince was not feeling okay.

Without warning, he shouted at the top of his lungs, **"THAT SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-"**

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_Halfway around the world..._

On a desert mountainside, a black and red cousin named Kuro sat by a small bonfire he lit, reading a Tom Clancy novel under the stars. Things were very quiet and peaceful, exactly the way Kuro liked it. That changed however, when a distant noise became audible and grew louder and louder.

**"IIIIIIIIIITCH-! ! !" **It screamed, and was followed by many other loud curses and colorful vocabulary.

Kuro groaned miserably. Thankfully, he'd planned for this. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an iPod, then wore a pair of sound-cancelling headphones and put on some good music, just loud enough to render the distant screams inaudible.

Kuro sighed with relief and lay back down, continuing to read his novel and listen to some tunes as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

**^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^**

_Oh yes! What a happy ending indeed! We are so pleased. We not only got a big honking katamari to make into a star, but We convinced Prince to come back to Us! Oh, happy day~! Ahem. Now then. We shall say nothing more than farewell, goodbye, and saluton! ...Wait, 'Saluton' means 'Hello' in Esperanto. Silly Us. We forgot what the word for 'See ya' is. Ah, well. Do you know Esperanto? Maybe We'll invent a cosmic Esperanto. Oh yes, We almost forgot... Nope, We completely forgot. Maybe We'll remember later on. Like that's possible. Whatever. ...Oops, We left the fire in the castle's bath room on. We must tend to it then. Bye bye people! We'll be back! We assure you! As We say in the Cosmos: "What goes around comes around"... Unless you're in the katamari's way. In that case, you're rolling around. Farewell!_

_- The King of All Cosmos_

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**END OF EPISODE 1**

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A/N: And done! The first full episode has been completed! Happy days galore! Now then, what did you think of it? Good? Bad? Somewhere in between? I wanna know. The folks at didn't slap a 'Review' button down there for no reason! Review please, and if you do, expect the beginning of Episode 2 to come up later!

Fare thee well!

-gl1m0


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